By George, He Sure Is a Royal Pain

Before the opening game of the 1984 American League playoffs, I stood behind the batting cage of Royals Stadium in Kansas City, jawing with the manager of the Detroit Tigers, Sparky Anderson.

“So, what’s your game plan?” I asked, making small talk.

“I got no game plan,” Sparky said.

We watched one of his coaches fungo a ball toward short. Thwap. It squirted into left field.

Sparky poked my ribs.

“No, I do got a game plan,” said the great grammarian. “You wanna know my damn game plan?”

“Yeah. What’s your damn game plan?”

“Don’t get beat by that Brett.”

Brett, whose actual first name is George, was, then and now, the great hitter of the Kansas City Royals.

Check that. George Brett was, then and now, the Kansas City Royal.

Anderson reasoned that if his Tigers had to lose--they didn’t--it would not be because they were foolish enough to pitch to George Brett in any situation where he could hurt them.

“Walk the son of a gun,” Sparky said.

“Walk him when?” I asked.

“Whenever,” Sparky said.

I thought about this, and about Anderson’s well-known tendency to exaggerate and embellish.

“With the bases loaded?” I asked.

Whereupon Sparky, having an atypically PG-13 rated language day, made a reference to a place below my ribs and said: “You bet your . . . , walk him with the bases loaded.”

I waited for him to say he was kidding. He wasn’t kidding.

“That’s the way they pitched Ted Williams,” I said.

Finger in the ribs again.

“Hey,” Sparky said. “This guy may be Ted Williams.”

The year, as I say, was ’84. Brett was in his prime, ripe and 31, and was making contact at the plate as easily as a child playing T-ball. He was what Rod Carew was and what Wade Boggs and then Tony Gwynn would become, only with twice as much power. The hitter’s hitter.

That summer, Brett had made his ninth consecutive All-Star team. He would make four more.

Three times, he would sit out the midsummer classic because of injuries. But nobody ever called George Brett fragile. He was a gamer. He played hurt or sick, many times. He once played with hemorrhoids, and, as the dearly departed Dick Howser once said: “George would have gone out there with worse than hemorrhoids, assuming there is something worse than hemorrhoids.”

Purposely walk George Brett with the bases loaded?

Oh, I don’t know.

But let me tell you this: Brett was intentionally walked 220 times going into this season. That is an American League record. That is more than Babe Ruth, more than Williams, more than Reggie Jackson. That is the ultimate tribute to a hitter, the ultimate tribute to the man who announced his retirement Saturday, George Brett.

“I ain’t sayin’ don’t never pitch to him,” Anderson said in fluent Stengelese. “I’m sayin’ don’t let Brett beat ya. If my team’s winnin’ and it’s late in the game and Brett’s got a chance to beat me, I ain’t pitchin’ to the guy, no way. Bases loaded, shoot. I’ll take my chances with whoever the hell’s on deck.”

Detroit won that series without much difficulty. Brett hit .231, but never walked.

A year later, Brett was back in the league championship series again. He hit .348. Toronto walked him seven times.

I suppose if a hitter could ask for anything, it would be respect. Brett had respect.

They say the hardest thing for a ballplayer to do--harder than a no-hitter--is to hit for the cycle. Brett did it twice, more than 11 years apart: May 28, 1979 and July 25, 1990.

He is now 40 and calling it quits. An old, broken-down, rusty gate of a bat swinger? Yeah, sure. George Brett has more home runs (19) this season than teammates Kevin McReynolds and Felix Jose combined . He has more homers than Wally Joyner, more than Brian McRae. These kids today.

I bumped into Sparky Anderson again at the 1985 World Series, one year after his own team had won. Kansas City made it this time and Sparky was working on the radio.

It was after Game 7. St. Louis pitched to Brett five times. He got four hits. Kansas City took the series. Brett hit .370.

“See?” Sparky said.

“See what?” I asked.

“Don’t pitch to the sucker,” he said.

* BRAVES WIN: Atlanta beats Philadelphia, 7-2, for its 100th victory and keeps its 1 1/2-game lead in the West over San Francisco. C12.

* VIRTUALLY OVER: The Chicago White Sox and Toronto Blue Jays clinch at least ties for their American League division titles. C13.