In These Days of Barkley’s Life, He Sounds Young and Restless

Round people are supposed to be jolly. Does this sound like a happy man?

“The end is coming soon,” Charles Barkley told the Boston Globe. “I’m not going to play in pain just to let people make money off me. They’ll milk you as long as they can. As long as people are making money off you, they’re going to push you out there until you can’t walk anymore.”

So who is he mad at? David Stern? Nike? The Suns? Richard Simmons?

Sun Coach Paul Westphal was quizzed whether he thought Barkley would make it through the season. Said Westphal: “We’ll just have to let the drama unfold.”

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Mr. Roberts: Attention Stanley Roberts. You are a Clipper (a big Clipper), but you are not immune to the barbs of your former boss, Pat Williams of the Orlando Magic. Here is a sampling of what Williams, the Magic’s president, said about you in a new book called “Talkin’ Trash: Basketball’s Greatest Insults:”

--”Stanley has chosen his burial site--Montana.”

--”We told Stanley to go on a water diet and Lake Superior disappeared.”

--”We started him eating the seven basic food groups and now there are only three left.”

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Trivia time: What was the other talent of former “Saturday Night Live” star and “Wayne’s World” co-star Dana Carvey at College of San Mateo?

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MASH unit: At Washington, the Bullets already have three players injured and rookie Calbert Cheaney just got back on the floor after being hurt in the first practice. Said Coach Wes Unseld: “Other than that, we’re fine.”

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And play “Conquest”: Judging by the John Robinson billboards around town, the ones with the messages “Buy Season Tickets,” and “Beat Notre Dame,” USC went 0 for 2. For one, season-ticket sales are no greater than last year and, well, you know about the other.

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So buy tickets now: It’s a big day, all right, for Vinny Pazienza, who fights for something called the International Boxing Organization middleweight title Dec. 28 at Aspen. Said Pazienza: “Hey, I know these titles are a crock of . . . “

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House beautiful: The $7-million home that Riddick Bowe is building in Maryland features a 25-seat movie theater, a bowling alley, a beauty salon, a barber shop, an outdoor basketball court, a 5,000-square-foot pool with waterfall, a soundproof gym and a tennis court.

What, no heli-pad?

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Trivia answer: He ran track, specializing in the mile.

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Quotebook: From Central Methodist sports information director Chuck McFall, who saw the team’s homecoming game against William Jewell canceled because the officials didn’t show up, then wound up losing, 35-10, when it was played two days later: “We decided nothing else could go wrong, but something did.”