In Love With Action and Romance

In the Disney version of Alexandre Dumas’ novel “The Three Musketeers,” the young D’Artagnan travels to Paris seeking a career in the legendary king’s guards and finding them disbanded, joins forces with three of the group’s swashbucklers to battle the treacherous Cardinal Richelieu, save the French monarchy and meet women. (Rated PG) *

You have your exploding coaches. Your pistol shootouts in the forest. Your stabbings, duels, near-beheadings, tortures-in-the-dungeon and one leap off a cliff.

So for young action aficionados, such as Andrew Zauner, 9, this isn’t a bad flick.

“I thought it was really good. I liked the action in it,” he said.

The sword fights particularly got his attention.

But Matthew Israel, who just turned 13, had actually read the book. Or at least, had it read to him by his teachers. Or maybe it was a shortened version the teachers read during homeroom.

But still. That’s probably more than most kids who come to see the film. So Matthew had a slightly different perspective.

As much if not more than the action, Matthew said, he was moved by the romances.

“D’Artagnan and this one girl only met once, but they fall in love with each other,” he said. “And Athos and this other lady--who’s a murderer--they’re in love. And in the end, they end up forgiving each other.

“I thought it was really funny and touching at the same time,” he continued. “It’s also educational for kids who haven’t seen ‘The Three Musketeers.’ It kind of follows the story but goes off at the same time.”

Indeed, in what seemed like a rather unDisney-like foray into Macholand, the movie portrayed the Musketeers as salacious young bucks, in awe of cleavage, who compete with one another in “wenching.” In one tavern scene, each soldier shows D’Artagnan a different technique to elicit a kiss, or a roll on the floor, from wenches whose lives seem to have no other purpose than to serve their game.

Also, the Musketeers drink a little too much. They enjoy slaying the enemies of the king with pistols, swords and spiked balls swung at the end of a chain. “God, I love my work!” exclaims Porthos after bashing in a man’s face.

“It was more a romance story in the book,” Matthew said. “They added a lot of fighting and drinking here.”

Is that good?

“Yeah,” he said. “It was funny.

“Basically, it had everything in it: Comedy. Love. True romance and fighting.”

For that, I’ll take “The Princess Bride” any day.

Matthew thought the whole “teen idol” billing of stars Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland and Chris O’Donnell was a little exaggerated. (For those who appreciate the actors’ trade as well as the actors, Tim Curry’s meaningful eye movements as the evil Richelieu were worth the price of admission alone.)

Matthew’s sister, Marissa, 4, who usually loves queens and princesses, sat through it without being frightened by the evil or the violence, but came out saying, “I want Beauty and the Beast!”

But did she like the three musketeers?

“There’s two of them,” she corrected me at once, holding up four fingers.

At least it’s educational.