NO ART? “Son of Lagunatics,” a musical...

NO ART? “Son of Lagunatics,” a musical lampooning Laguna Beach’s idiosyncrasies, will mention last month’s firestorm. But, says its writer-producer Bree Burgess Rosen, “we’re not poking fun at the fire at all. I don’t want to abuse anyone who has personally suffered in this.” The revue--to benefit AIDS hospice Laguna Shanti--runs Monday and Tuesday at the Moulton Theatre there, to honor Wednesday’s A Day Without Art, a worldwide commemoration of the destruction AIDS has wrought in the art community.

NO MILK? You probably already consider cow’s milk a refrigerator necessity. But the California Milk Processor Board wants to make sure you know it, by asking you to give it up for a week, starting Monday. The board’s Irvine-based Great California Milk Drought promotion is supposed to improve awareness that “milk is irreplaceable.” . . . The board was set up in February to promote the state’s dairy industry.

CLINTON WATCH: Ronald Reagan’s defense secretary, Caspar Weinberger, will speak at the Hyatt Regency in Irvine on Thursday at a $75-$100 a plate dinner. The audience is the local chapter of the Assn. for Commercial Real Estate. But it’s not real estate Weinberger, now chairman of Forbes magazine, will discuss. Nor is he likely to talk about the sordid Iran/Contra affair, which led to federal charges against him and then a pardon from George Bush. Weinberger promises to talk about Bill Clinton--and what he thinks of him.

PERSONAL SANTAS: With Thanksgiving gone, you can concentrate on Christmas. And the city of Huntington Beach has found a way to help you enjoy it and make a few bucks for itself: a private Santa Claus. You can rent a Santa for $15 for 15 minutes, or $30 for half an hour. He’ll pass out your gifts if you like, read stories, and say “ho, ho, ho.” It’s only within the city limits, and, sorry, these Santas won’t work Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.