Jewish Home Puts Faith in Abused Kids

Marc Kestenbaum, a self-described “kid who was socially conscious in the ‘60s,” has always believed he could make a difference.

As director of religious education at Vista Del Mar Child and Family Services, a Jewish residential treatment center for abused and emotionally impaired children, Kestenbaum offers hope to children who are desperate and often suicidal.

“Religion is really a very critical part of everyone’s life in varying degrees,” said Kestenbaum, who has worked at the Cheviot Hills center for 18 years. “I don’t think you can treat children with these kinds of issues without addressing the spiritual component of life.”

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Through weekly Shabbat services, spirituality “rap groups,” individual sessions to discuss God and religion, and bar and bat mitzvah training, children are given tools to heal, Kestenbaum said.

Thirteen-year-old Amber came to Vista Del Mar nearly 1 1/2 years ago after having lived in foster homes since she was 6. She said the religious aspects of the program have helped her become stronger.

“I think religion is important,” she said. “In Hebrew school, people would always goof off. Here, people don’t goof off. The teachers stay and help you, and it makes me feel good about myself. Before I was here I would have suicidal thoughts. Now, I think ‘God wouldn’t want me to kill myself.’ ”

Amber is preparing for her bat mitzvah in January, a ceremony that Kestenbaum said is an empowering rite of passage for young people who have had difficult childhoods. The bar and bat mitzvah is a ceremony completed by Jewish boys and girls when they reach age 13 and symbolizes the crossing into adulthood. They read from the Torah and prepare speeches or prayers.

“I’ve been to a lot of bat mitzvahs and I see how proud the family has been,” Amber said. “I want my family to be proud of me.”

Vista Del Mar was founded in 1908 as the Jewish Orphans’ Home of Southern California. Funded by the Jewish Federation Council of Los Angeles, United Way and private donations, the home has a population that is almost evenly split between Jews and non-Jews. The center retains its emphasis on Judaism, including non-Jewish children in the Jewish education and ceremonies, but also offering them some separate classes.

“We try to make it as universal as we can,” said Kestenbaum, 43. “We make kids realize that their Jewish heritage is important, but in this multicultural world we all must respect one another and be tolerant of one another’s individual differences. There isn’t one style of life, or one religion. We need to live together.”

The part-time religious staff at Vista includes a Rabbinic intern from Hebrew Union College who leads services, an anthropologist, a therapist, a rabbinical student and a cultural anthropologist. They are an integral part of the treatment team, said Silvio Orlando, associate executive director of Vista.

Vista is treating 86 children, who range in age from 8 to 18. They are placed there through the county Department of Children’s Services, the Probation Department and by their families for a variety of reasons, including drug and alcohol addiction, parental abuse and emotional problems. The program includes counseling and schooling.

Although the children are often resistant to religion when they first come, they soon grow to like it, said Amy Jaffe, who runs the older boys wing of Vista. The religious ceremonies add structure and consistency to lives that have often lacked solidity or ritual. Although many children complain at first about attending services, they soon look forward to Friday nights.

“I like the religious stuff; it’s cool,” said Joey, 16, who has lived at Vista for five months and has begun studying Hebrew so he can go to Israel. “Before, my parents made me do it. I had no choice. I still don’t know if I believe in God or not, but now I have the option to learn about religion if I want to.”

The children have especially looked forward to Hanukkah, which began Wednesday. They submitted their wish lists, and the center bought presents--including stereos and watches--with help from manufacturers’ donations. “Hanukkah is really a holiday about individual freedom,” Kestenbaum said. “We teach kids not just about Judaism and freedom, but about all people, that they should stand up for their individual rights no matter what they believe.”

Brandy, 14, is Catholic and celebrating her first Hanukkah. this year. “It means a lot. I enjoy being in temple, and exploring different religions,” Brandy said. Some children are reluctant to talk about what the religious dimension of the program gives them. But Kestenbaum said many come back years later to tell them how much it meant.

“It’s not cool to acknowledge how they feel about it here,” he said. “But our goal is to empower the kids with a sense of God and spirituality, and it makes a tremendous impact on them. I am continually astounded by how many kids come back years later, and remember the things we do here. They remember the prayers and the liturgy.”

Although the program’s goal is to integrate the children back into their families, many are never able to go home.

“It’s like a big family here,” Amber said. “We get in fights, but we help each other out. I learn things here I’ll teach my kids. The rabbi told us to treat a person the way you treat yourself. I try to live by that. It’s not easy, but I do.”