Volunteers in O.C. Reap the Personal Rewards of Giving : Relationships: People who help the less fortunate also help their own sense of well-being, an Irvine psychologist says.

While other kids her age hang out at the mall, 13-year-old Jeanna Allsopp hangs out at the Santa Ana Senior Center--and not just during Christmas vacation.

It’s not boring or a drag or a problem. As a matter of fact, Jeanna says, the time she spends volunteering at the center is fun.

“I’ve learned that a lot of the seniors aren’t, like, out of it. Their minds are good and they know what they are talking about,” she says.

In the process of giving to others, psychologists say, people like Jeanna who open their hearts to others probably gain as much as they give. When they visit the lonely, feed the homeless and help the less fortunate, volunteers take away a sense of well-being that’s hard to get any other way.

Such relationships between giver and receiver are important, says psychologist Gloria Ryder, who encourages her clients to volunteer at Christmastime and throughout the year as a means to combat depression, improve self-esteem and learn how to get along better with others.

“These relationships are important for any number of reasons,” says Ryder, who maintains a private practice and is a professor at National University in Irvine. “We need to feel that there is some reciprocity, that I give to you and you give to me. It is very important when you are doing volunteer work that you are giving something to that person and in turn that person is giving something back to you. It is one of the basic premises of relationships.”

What volunteers like Jeanna get in return, Ryder says, is love.

“When you are doing that kind of work, it’s the love that comes from the recipients,” she says. “That love could be through a smile, a look, a touch. But if you get that smile, you know that you’ve just connected. There is nothing that feels so good as touching someone else’s life.”

Unfortunately, many people don’t feel they have time to volunteer, Ryder says. “There are so many demands in our day-to-day routines and if someone is extremely busy and doesn’t allow the time to do volunteer work, this is the time of year they start thinking about it. It’s the Christmas spirit, that sense of doing something of value or worth.”

For people who are prone to the holiday blues, volunteering can be especially important. “When there is depression, being able to do something that mobilizes yourself--volunteer work, for example--helps because it gives a sense of worth.”

In psychological terms, such selfless giving helps narrow the gap between our idealized self and our real self, Ryder says.

“Our idealized self is the shoulds we get from society, churches, teachers, mentors, parents. The real self is what we really are. The wider the gap between the two, the lower the self-esteem. Society teaches that the idealized self is to give back to the world. So when we are involved in such activities, then it makes the real self feel better.”

Jeanna says she doesn’t really know anything about the “idealized self” and the “real self.” She just knows that working at the Senior Center makes her feel better.

“I don’t like being stuck at home,” she says. “I enjoy volunteering.”

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During the year that Jeanna has been working at the center, she’s made several new friends, including fellow volunteer Elsie Mercandante, 83. Despite the difference in their ages, Jeanna and Elsie enjoy talking about their families, their interests and their lives.

“She talks about her new little grandson,” says Jeanna, who occasionally refers to Mercandante as grandma. “And I tell her about school. And when she sees me, she gives me a hug.”

Mercandante, who has volunteered at the Senior Center for 16 years, says that Jeanna is “good worker, always busy. She’s a very nice girl and I’m an old lady, but we find all kinds of things to talk about.”

For many volunteers, building friendships with other volunteers who share their interest in a given area is an additional benefit. In Jeanna’s case, it has meant the opportunity to become friends with someone 70 years her senior.

Ryder believes that such relationships between the young and the old are especially important in today’s world, in which many teen-agers don’t often socialize with the elderly.

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For eight years, Rose Giurdino, 79, has volunteered at the Food Distribution Center in Orange. Giurdino says volunteering helps keep her healthy and young at heart. She started volunteering at the center shortly after her husband died.

“I got tired of playing bridge,” says Giurdino, who is in charge of the mail room at the nonprofit food bank. “Besides, I think if you just sit home when you get older, you really do get old . The secret is keeping active.”

Involvement in the lives of others is very important for the elderly, Ryder says.

“It is important that they maintain connections, a sense of doing something, of not withdrawing,” Ryder says. “Then they will avoid the feelings of stagnation and despair. If you maintain a sense of being worthwhile, basically a sense of being alive, that is so important.”

Recently, Ryder counseled a client who, like Giurdino, had lost her husband.

“She had been very involved in his life and she was lost,” Ryder says.

She encouraged her client to become involved in volunteer work, an experience she expects will help her deal with her grief as well as develop a network of people she can relate to.

Ryder has seen clients in many different circumstances benefit from volunteering.

“What I try to do is get them involved in finding something that is going to be theirs--something beyond their marital relationship or their parental relationship. An area where they are doing something for their own growth and development,” Ryder says. “Volunteer work is one of the best ways to do that.

“It is a very non-threatening way to get out there and find out about themselves. It not only plays a role in their self-esteem, but it also puts excitement in their lives.”

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Volunteering helps people grow in other ways, too.

“By the time people are in their 30s and 40s, they are looking at the meaning of their lives,” Ryder says. “The are looking beyond their immediate material world, at giving something back to the world.”

Debbie and Brian Williams of Irvine believe it is their responsibility to do something to help others. For the Williamses, volunteering has become a family affair. They help sponsor an apartment for a homeless family at the Anaheim Interfaith Shelter. They want their four children, ages 4 months to 9 years, to learn early on about the importance of giving.

“I think the greatest thing we are doing is showing our children that we can reach out to people in need,” says Debbie Williams, a 33-year-old pharmacist. “One of the most rewarding experiences we had was when we helped a little girl get some eyeglasses she needed.”

Although the Williamses initially become involved in the homeless shelter through a program at their church, they have continued as sponsors. “The first family we had, I went over there and they needed diapers,” Williams recalls. “The next visit we took a birthday present for the daughter. Basically, we try to meet their needs. We’ve donated bathroom towels, kitchen towels. And we’ll be taking Christmas presents.”

The Adopt-an-Apartment program runs year-round. Families stay at the 10 apartments in the shelter for 60 days and during that time sponsors do what they can to help with household supplies, clothing and other essentials.

Kathy Ramsey, program director, says the relationship between the sponsors and the homeless family is extremely important. “It makes the people who live here realize they are OK people, that they have value and are worth something,” she says. “That’s why we encourage the one-on-one contact.”

During the holidays, the shelter usually has more volunteers than it can use, Ramsey says. So she often encourages callers to become involved at other times of the year.

Debbie Williams has strong feelings about that.

“I would question people’s motives if they only do it at the holidays,” she says, “because there is such a need all year-round.”

But psychologist Ryder looks at the holiday urge to help in a different way:

“Now is a good time to start,” she says.