Orange County Voices : COMMENTARY ON HOLIDAY STRESS : For a Really ‘Perfect’ Celebration, Cut Yourself Some Slack : Certain strategies may reduce physical illness, anxiety and depression and help you enjoy yourself.

Today, the day after Christmas, can be very stressful for many people. There may be that rush to return to the store to make sure they do not miss out on the tremendous bargains being advertised. Then there’s the stress of having relatives staying over. That, too, can increase tension.

We all know certain people who seem to cope successfully with whatever sorrows or problems life presents to them, whereas others who face similar problems are overwhelmed or even crushed by them.

What makes some people stress-resistant? Able to cope?

In my work in psychiatry, I have found four coping strategies that those who handle stress the best use. They are:

1. Personal control: Believe that you are in control of your environment and that you have the needed skills to be effective in specific situations.

2. Task involvement: Select an absorbing task that is meaningful, and be willing and able to sacrifice short-term fun for long-term pleasure.

3. Make good dietary choices, exercise regularly and find time for daily relaxation.

4. Utilize social supports: Have personal relationships that provide companionship, information or empathetic listening.

I believe these strategies can help bring about less physical illness, less anxiety and depression, and increased longevity.

The holidays, which are traditionally felt to be a time of joy and togetherness, often can really be a season of stress and disappointment. The preparation that many people put into making the “perfect” holiday setting can be emotionally draining. In this important and harried time of the year, we should be rethinking tasks and traditions.

Give yourself permission to change. Drop tasks and activities that are physically and emotionally draining. Don’t be afraid to make some changes with traditions. Focus on keeping yourself rested and as unstressed as possible. Think about your needs--and give yourself a treat.

It also helps to allow your feelings to surface and to express them. Don’t hold onto them. Cry when you need to. Are you angry? Acknowledge it, and then express that anger through constructive outlets.

And don’t be afraid to smile and enjoy life too.

This is a good time to pull away from heavy schedules and plan some down time. Give priority to those activities that are most important to you and your family. Don’t feel that you must meet family obligations out of a sense of guilt. And don’t feel that you have to meet other people’s expectations. Keep things simple and as uncomplicated as possible. It is important now to allow yourself to realize that things do not have to be perfect.

Despite all the celebrating around them, this is also the time of the year when some people feel lonely. To help overcome that, call or visit a friend you have not contacted in a long time. Try to do at least one thing a day for someone else. Consider volunteering a little time to someone who needs you. You should also try to go on regular walks; not only will you encounter new sights and experiences, but the walk will help reduce stress and tension.

Spend some time with people who understand and support you. And learn to feel comfortable in telling others what your needs are.

In addition to pursuing mental health during this hectic time of the year, it’s important to rethink the need to take good care of your body. Minimize consumption of drugs and alcohol. Both tend to increase depression and bring on the blues. Make sure you get plenty of sleep. Encourage yourself to eat moderately and healthily. Focus on drinking more fluids.

So, if you want to control stress and avoid a holiday letdown: take a break; be realistic; re-evaluate tasks and traditions; get support; see people you want to see, people who make you feel good, and take care of your body.

But most of all, as the old year comes to an end and you begin thinking about the new one, feel optimistic that you indeed can gain control and avoid the stresses and disappointments of the past.