POP MUSIC REVIEW : Ready or Not for Prime Time : Michael, Janet Jackson Brighten a Mostly Tacky Family TV Taping

LaToya may have had the right idea. Much as you hate to give her too much credit.

At one point the loose cannon of the Jackson clan--who claims she was the only one of 30 or so family members not invited to take part in “The Jackson Family Honors” show Saturday night--had considered disguising herself and sneaking into the MGM Grand Garden arena here to watch the ballyhooed family reunion surreptitiously.

Instead, LaToya and her husband planned to just go down the Strip to catch a Tony Bennett show.

By the end of the “Honors” taping, more than a few attendees may have wished they had followed her lead down the street, since the Bennett gig at least promised to be a real concert.

The Jacksons reunion, on the other hand, was a mostly dismayingly tacky television variety-show taping that would have been better suited to a Hollywood sound stage with guests invited in for free instead of booked into an arena charging luxury prices (even with the scant justification that some of the money was earmarked for charity). The special airs Tuesday on NBC.

“It’s just a TV show. Ain’t that a bitch?,” carped Desni Scott of Anaheim, one of the few paying attendees to dress in a tuxedo. “I’ve never been so ripped off. I could have put that money on the tables. “

The too-ready-for-prime-time aura was compounded by the presence of incongruous guest spots, from such unlikely consorts as singers Bruce Hornsby and Celine Dion, plus hoofing routines by the Michael Peters Dancers, who go-go’d to Motown medleys in an archaic fashion that made Debbie Allen’s worst Oscar production numbers look suddenly hip by comparison.

Occasionally, Smokey Robinson and Gladys Knight would step up to front the song-and-dance embarrassment. A tune that had Jermaine, Marlon, Rebbie, Tito, et al. trotting out their kids also reeked of Ed Sullivan redux .

So who would play the role of rescuer in this dysfunctional family revue? The two most obvious, and obviously reluctant, participants: Janet, who even with a perfunctory version of “Alright” outclassed every other performance on the show, and Michael, returning to the stage following his celebrated personal crises and providing charisma and a sense of climax for the show even without singing in it (unless you count his half a verse in the big family finale).

At a press conference earlier in the day Saturday, the organizers of the show (projected as the first of an ongoing series) were already practicing spin control on how the advertising had promised a Michael Jackson “performance” when there wasn’t going to be one. Said one of the show’s producers, Emmy winner Gary Smith, straight-faced, “Michael’s going to be presenting two awards. These are clearly ‘performances’ on his part, as far as he’s concerned.”

That’s a stretch, but Smith wasn’t far wrong. Surprisingly charming, confident and un-squirmy for once outside of a music-making mode, Jackson had a job to do here, and it wasn’t to sing, but to bask--a state he nearly raised to a level of performance art, as everyone else on the telecast and in the crowd conspired to make the night a love feast on his beleaguered behalf.

“I love you too,” a beaming Jackson said, again and again, and again, scarcely able to get through a scripted sentence of his presentations without having to pause to acknowledge the loving hollers of the audience.

There were banners of support scattered through the hall, and his first appearance was greeted with a four-minute standing ovation. The crowd was clear where its loyalty lay: Jackson was a martyred innocent, miraculously exhumed, resurrected and brought back to active duty.

The two designated honorees, Elizabeth Taylor and Motown founder Berry Gordy Jr., sensing this night wasn’t much about them, turned the tables and spent most of their acceptance speeches gushing to Michael’s defense.

“Michael, we know your recent torture is not going to change your compassion and love for children,” Taylor told the man who would be King of Pop again. “There’s beauty and truth in your being. You are the brightest star in the universe.”

In the show’s most bizarre moment, though, Taylor had to protect her bright star from a crowd that started to turn testy. Near the end, the impatient audience began to chant for Jackson to perform; when Taylor responded, “I know you’d all like to hear Michael sing a song, but he doesn’t have any music prepared,” the cheers suddenly gave way to mass catcalls, prompting Taylor to have to rebuke the booers: “Come on, that’s not nice! That’s an ugly sound.”

From a four-minute standing ovation to a chorus of boos in minutes flat. That’s America, land of the fickle.

Disappointing as the absence of a Michael number was, it was hard to blame him for waiting for a better context than this to premiere his first major post-lawsuit-settlement comeback routine. Whatever and whenever that may be. Meanwhile, the really “honorable” thing for the Jackson family would be not to force Michael and Janet to have to carry such a superfluous show for them again next year.