The Good, the Bad and the Coverage : Television: The network has been unable to ruin it, despite appearing at times to try mightily. Rarely has TV been at once so popular and so derided.

The nerve of those crass, impudent feds. The vulgarity. The insensitivity. The Un-Americanism.

The FBI chose this week, of all weeks, to nab an ordinary-looking suburban couple suspected of selling U.S. secrets to Russia and the former Soviet Union, briefly diverting us from the far more important work of observing “Kardigan,” the Winter Olympics psychodrama of Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding.

In fact, the two cases almost seemed to merge. Accused spies and big spenders Aldrich and Maria Ames appear to have called attention to themselves with a cleverness that would lead you to believe that they learned subterfuge from Harding’s trenchcoated guard dog, secret agent Shawn Eckart.

But get real. When it came to holding the spotlight, the FBI was clearly out of its depth, and Spygate vs. Skategate was no contest. A couple of alleged spies--whose sellout may have cost the lives of U.S. agents--were little more than a fleeting downhill highlight compared with the infinitely greater, noisier media biathlon of Lillehammer and its on-going soap operas.

Connie Chung was there, of course, joined at the hip with Harding until Harding bolted from their latest television interview after being foolish enough to agree to it in the first place. Thus, in the grammar of the new journalism, an interview that produced no information still managed to produce a banner headline: Tonya Walks Out. And Chung did her duty by answering questions from other reporters somewhat lower on the CBS food chain about what it was like to lose an interviewee during an interview that yielded nothing but a walkout.

In spirit, at least, NBC’s Tom Brokaw was there, too, trying to do to CBS’ coverage of Lillehammer what Norway has lately been doing to hundreds of whales. On Wednesday, NBC did its best to harpoon CBS, which was trying to build suspense for its evening telecast by keeping mum about that morning’s technical figure skating marks of Harding and Kerrigan.

At 10:55 a.m., as if this were a breaking story demanding the presence of the news division’s shiniest hood ornament, Brokaw anchored a “special update” on Harding’s disappointing performance, twice displaying her marks on the screen. Two hours later, immediately after Kerrigan had racked up her own huge marks, Brokaw broke into NBC’s “Another World” with Part 2 of “the very dramatic showdown on ice” and other morning results from Lillehammer. Take that, CBS!

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It’s unlikely that NBC’s petty moves had any impact beyond making a statement about the overzealousness of Lillehammer coverage.

From skiing to skating, it’s hard to know where to begin about the Olympics and the drive of viewers to see the Winter Games despite frustrating coverage by CBS Sports that has ranged from visually resplendent to manipulative and giddily hyperbolic. For technical and artistic impression, 5.8s. For integrity and journalistic impression, a pair of 3s.

As the record ratings attest, this at times has been breathtaking entertainment. At least more breathtaking than the competition. Comparing Lillehammer with the alternatives on other channels, what’s not to watch?

The network luge lizards have been unable to ruin it, despite appearing at times to try mightily. Rarely has television been at once so enormously popular and, in some circles, so enormously derided. And rarely has this column received so many angry calls as it has from viewers ticked off about the bloated, patchy, artificially eclectic, slow-it-down-and-drag-it-out strategy of the CBS coverage.

Just beside himself, for example, was the desperate man who sounded as if he were making a 911 call. His voice quivering with rage, he pleaded to my voice mail: “They’re driving me crazy! What they’re doing is outrageous! All I want to do is watch the events from start to finish, not all this human interest about people overcoming illness! Is that too much to ask? Please, please, please write something! I’m begging you! I don’t know how else to say it! I’m just begging you! Please!”

If you think he got carried away, check out the gaudy, overly ornate verbage of CBS Sports hyperbole freaks, the kind of overdoers who think art is setting “Beavis & Butt-head” to Beethoven. The low in going over the top came when one CBS reporter equated watching the gold medal-winning pairs work of Torvill and Dean as they skated to “Bolero” in 1984 with seeing the first moon landing.

When U.S. athletes win, meanwhile, we’re told that “America is proud today,” as if CBS Sports were designated to speak for the entire nation. And here was a typical intro to a slow-mo preview, backed by the emotional score from “The Mission”: “Two women divided by a common goal, Nancy and Tonya, Tonya and Nancy. . . .”

As it turned out, CBS was mostly very good Wednesday night. Although you may have expected Harding and Kerrigan to be strategically withheld until 10:55 p.m., CBS showed the performances of both--along with much-overlooked medal favorites from Ukraine and France--well before the end of its telecast.

In a case of news serving entertainment, it was those triple lutzes and salchows at the network’s Los Angeles station, KCBS-TV Channel 2, who skated crazily on Wednesday.

Although Channel 2 has relentlessly promoted the female figure skating as a Harding-Kerrigan duel, for example, its noon newscast ignored Harding’s results (it could have warned viewers before reporting the marks)--withholding them, anchor Tritia Toyota said, “out of respect” for viewers planning to watch the evening telecast. Right, and there was an earthquake in Mexico City Wednesday, but we’re withholding the Richter report out of respect for viewers who want a surprise later.

When the station’s 5 p.m. newscast did arrive, you got the impression that it was being produced by Kierkegaard or Sartre, the prevailing reality not being the already completed event in Lillehammer but the CBS videotape of that event. There was anchor Chris Conangla throwing it live to Jim Hill in Lillehammer “for a preview of tonight’s technical program.” The technical program that had been completed hours earlier.

There was Hill, live, introducing tape of Harding and Kerrigan practicing for the event that had already occurred. There was Hill speaking of “the figure skating tonight” and “the action tonight” and who would be “in the stands tonight.”

On the 6 p.m. newscast, anchor Michael Tuck trumpeted “the showdown of the decade . . . tonight.” And Hill, by now appearing terminally time-warped, reported that “this is something we’ve all be waiting for” and that the skaters “have made their final preparations” and that “Kerrigan skated a near flawless practice, and is ready for tonight.”

The “tonight” that already was.

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But wait just a minute. Something was all wrong, for somewhere in the newscast (it was hard to say where), someone else reported live from Stoneham, Mass., where Kerrigan’s friends were reacting to her technical program that was coming up tonight after being skated earlier. The reporter wouldn’t divulge their reactions to the event that hadn’t occurred, but he grinned and added, “They’re looking forward to looking at CBS tonight, if that’s any hint.” Right, and the Allies landed in Normandy in 1944, but we won’t tell you how the invasion went out of respect for viewers who want to see it tonight in “The Longest Day.” But the Allies are all smiles, if that’s any hint.

Meanwhile, as if everything KCBS said earlier didn’t exist, as if Jim Hill didn’t exist, as if Kierkegaard and Sartre didn’t exist, anchor Bree Walker made an abrupt U-turn at 6:30 and warned viewers that the Harding-Kerrigan results would be reported on the “CBS Evening News” that was coming up. Sure enough, there on the screen a short time later, as lifelike as their Olympic promos, were Chung and Dan Rather, giving the results that Channel 2 had pretended didn’t exist.

Later that evening, CBS began the drum roll for its coming attractions. With a romantic sonata in the background and dazzling sights on the screen, someone was announcing: “Men soar for glory, and the night the world has been waiting for . . . the ladies finals, Friday night.”

America will be proud. CBS Sports will be proud. If he ever hears about it, Jim Hill will be proud.