Mapping a Guide to ‘San Fragmented’

So much for Thomas Brothers. There’s a newer, funnier guide to getting around town.

Commuters no longer drive the Simi Valley Freeway, but the “Seams In Valley Freeway.” Mission Hills residents now live in “Missing Hills.” And Plummer Street has become “I Need A Plumber Street.”

Racing through the interoffice fax network of the Southland is a map of the “San Fragmented Valley,” a reminder that at least our sense of humor was not broken by the Northridge earthquake.

Written in black ink on white paper, the map presents new names for surface streets and landmarks for the quake-ravaged Valley. The map, which has no name or other identifier, has surfaced near office water coolers and even in a Neighborhood Watch newsletter.

Shoppers using the map may find themselves in “Tobanga Mauled,” “Faultbrook Mauled” or the “Northridge Crashin Center.” The Valley’s only university, Cal State Northridge, has been renamed simply “CSU (Cracked State U) aka CSUNK.”

Communities have name like “Sunk Valley,” “Reseded,” “Wobbland Hills,” “Shakin Oaks,” “Cracksworth” and “Slightly Further North Hollywood.”

Joggers can run through “Supheavaled Basin” after working at “Rockendyne.”

Or, if all this shaking is just too much for you, pack up your bags and head out of town. Take “Devonsheared Boulevard,” “Tobanga Canyon Boulevard” or “Rocksgo Boulevard” until you reach “The Golden Shake Freeway (aka Interquake 5),” head north through the “New Fault Pass” to “Quakersfield” or hop on the 14, otherwise known as the “Ain’t No More Valley Freeway.”

Happy trails.