No Fooling! Charlotte’s the Final Stop
Frankly, Charlotte:
--I don’t know how college basketball will go over, this being more of a pro football town.
--Practically everybody is picking Arizona to win the national championship. (Note today’s date.)
--Arkansas, Arizona, Duke and Florida? Ouch, this four isn’t exactly fab, is it?
--Saturday’s predictions: Big Pigs over Untamed Felines, Off-Color Followers of Satan over Swamp Creatures.
--Don’t worry, CBS will break into Final Four coverage whenever necessary with up-to-the-minute news about Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding.
--The amazing thing isn’t that Glenn Robinson would want to go back to school. The amazing thing is that he would want to go back to Purdue.
--Yinka Dare from George Washington University is turning pro. I predict he will become a big star before the Yinka’s dry on his contract.
--Did anybody send a limo to pick up Duke Coach Shushevski?
--There are more pictures of Michael Jordan at the airport here than there are of Orville and Wilbur Wright.
--Sad thing is, some kid somewhere is asking somebody else: “Orville and Wilbur Wright--who do they play for?”
--There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that the Arizona Wildcats are about to change their name to the Tucson Wildcats.
--My Final Five continues to include Arkansas, Arizona, Duke, Florida and Indiana. If you don’t like it, you can hang Bob Knight upside-down and kiss his Adidas.
--Gambling is the worst problem in college basketball, according to USA Today handicapper Danny Sheridan.
--In Las Vegas, the Florida Gators are the heavy favorites to be the only ones who can name five Florida players.
--I can never remember, did Lon Kruger play the werewolf or the killer from Elm Street?
--A Florida-Arizona final could settle this Grapefruit-Cactus argument, once and for all.
--I wouldn’t want to say Arizona’s Reggie Geary talks a lot, but I’m betting before this weekend is up, Dick Vitale yells at him, “Would you please shut up?”
--Lute Olson could lose by a point and blame the media.
--Arkansas star Corliss Williamson was one of the top 10 vote-getters for the Classic Games John R. Wooden All-American team. I personally believe that if you threw one basketball into a room with all 10 vote-getters, Corliss Williamson would come out with it.
--Do you know how Williamson shaves his head? With a Corliss razor.
--Do you know how Coach Nolan Richardson recruited Williamson? On a Corliss telephone.
--The real surprise here in Charlotte is that any of these four teams could beat the Hornets.
--Only good thing about Purdue’s Robinson being gone from the tournament is: No more “Big Dog” jokes. You know what I mean. No “Big Dog Beats Hogs.” No “Big Dog Chases Wildcats.” No “Gators Snap at Big Dog.” No “Big Dog Shaved With Corliss Razor.” You know. Bad jokes.
--Speaking of big dogs, Mike Krzyzewski is such a good coach, he could probably take Marmaduke to the Final Four.
--Just think, only three more NBA lottery picks in their lineup and the California Bears might have won their regional.
--I am now pretty sure that the only reason UCLA didn’t advance is because its scouting report on Tulsa was delivered by mistake to Cheryl Miller.
--Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones would have replaced John Wooden as UCLA coach after two championships.
--Dear Coach Wooden: I was only kidding about Purdue.
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