Hollywood Is Not Melrose’s Place, He Says

Don Cherry, the former Boston Bruin coach, who is now a bombastic television commentator for Hockey Night in Canada, had some free advice for King Coach Barry Melrose on how to get his team back on a winning track:

“First of all, I think he’s got to get a haircut,” Cherry said. “He’s got to go back to Kelvington, Saskatchewan, and work on the farm with his father. He’s got to go back to the minors.

“He’s got to forget all this Hollywood stuff. He’s got to get back to the sweatshop and quit having all those floaters from Hollywood around. . . . He’s more worried about dyeing the ends of his hair than he is about coaching. He’s worried about putting gel in his hair.”

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Trivia time: Other than UCLA, which schools have won the most NCAA Division I basketball championships?

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Circle the wagons: Randy Galloway of the Dallas Morning News: “If you’re a Cowboys’ fan and you read (Jerry) Jones’ ‘total control’ proclamation then it is obvious Jerry is taking a personal stand on the future of the two-time defending champions of the National Football League.

“A fellow named Custer also made a similar stand. It became his last one. Jones will be no different.”

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Add Cowboys: Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News wasn’t shocked that Barry Switzer replaced Jimmy Johnson as the Dallas coach.

“It wouldn’t have been a shock if Jones had announced Mike Ditka or Tom Landry or Hillary Clinton or Boy George.

“Hey, it’s his railroad. He can run it off a cliff if he dang well wants to, and if you lose any sleep over it, you’re a sucker.”

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Previous commitment: Seton Hall Coach P.J. Carlesimo, good-naturedly noting that his friend, Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski missed a national college basketball coaches’ news conference in Charlotte, N.C.:

“Where is he most years?--selfishly trying to win another national championship.”

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Style analysis: Steve Jacobson of Newsday comparing the NBA champion New York Knicks of the 1970s to the current Knick team:

“That team played with the style of the Chrysler Building and Empire State Building. This team is more like the box they came in. That team was innovative and fascinating. This team is as graceful as an earth-mover.”

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Trivia: Kentucky and Indiana, five each.

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Quotebook: Rex (Hurricane) Hudler, on being released by the San Francisco Giants after hitting .238 in spring training: “I was downgraded from a hurricane to a tropical depression.”