LAUGH LINES : Jokes

Jay Leno says the news that officials in England are planning to separate sex education classes according to the level of students’ sexual knowledge is a real dilemma for parents:

“Are you mad or proud if your kid skips two grades? What does it mean if your daughter is suddenly moved up a couple of grades?”

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David Letterman on the signed copy of Clinton’s State of the Union address that sold for $5,000 at an auction to raise money for his daughter’s school:

“Later, President Clinton, for about $6,000, bought an eighth-grader’s essay on foreign policy.”

*

An old but still very funny joke, courtesy reader Chris Street of Malibu:

A salesman was in the bar at Rockefeller Center when he noticed the great man himself. The salesman approached Rockefeller, introduced himself and asked a favor. “I am meeting some very important clients here shortly,” the salesman said, “and if you came to our table and introduced yourself, they would be so impressed that my sale would be guaranteed.”

Impressed with the salesman’s spunk, Rockefeller said he would be pleased to do so.

A short time later, the salesman was talking to his clients when Rockefeller walked up and said, “How are you, my boy? Good to see you.”

The salesman turned to him and said: “Buzz off, Rocky. Can’t you see I’m busy?” *

Quick takes from the Gags Gang/Funny Stuff newsletter:

* Beware of any psychiatrist who validates your existence . . . but makes you pay for parking.

* Never take a memory course from a man who has his pants on backward.

* On this day in 1968, Charles Manson was overheard saying: “Is it hot in here or am I crazy?”

* Scientists have crossed a termite with a praying mantis. Now we have an insect that says grace before eating your house.

* Although soon to be off the air, Arsenio Hall has made a difference. Saying “woof, woof, woof” is now socially acceptable even at funerals.

*

Says reader Kay Goldstein of Chatsworth: The only thing missing from rap and rock is the letter C in front of each.

Reader G.T. Thirloway of Solana Beach says his 5-year-old granddaughter recently came out of her room and asked if the music coming from her portable radio was jazz. He said it sounded like rock ‘n’ roll, and she asked if he liked jazz.

“I said I like classical music better and asked if she liked Beethoven, fully expecting her to ask ‘who’s that?’ ”

“She thought for a moment, then said, ‘Sure, I saw the movie.’ ”