They Can Have Tonya for a Song

Tonya Harding has a new career opportunity as a singer if she is interested. The figure skater has been invited to join a punk rock band.

The White Trash Debutantes, which includes a 78-year-old grandmother and three male cross dressers, said it was negotiating with Harding’s lawyers on the offer.

The fringe band said it has already written a song for the skater titled “Don’t Mess with Tonya Harding.”

A real classy outfit, huh?

Trivia time: Who holds the NBA playoff record for most rebounds in a game?

Or, more soap: Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “Associated Press reports that the Doubletree Hotel in Pasadena, site of the World Cup final, will offer rooms that go for $89 a night for a meager $267.

“Maybe you get extra shampoo.”

Ticked-off: From John Kruk’s new book “I Ain’t an Athlete Lady”:

On starting pitchers: “They’re all screwed up; every starting pitcher on every team I’ve ever been with is a mess.

“They’re like a tick on a dog; they’re worthless for four days , but then they have to suck the blood on that fifth day.”

Send ‘em back: USA Today reported that rookie catcher Javier Lopez of the Atlanta Braves found out earlier this season that he isn’t a house-hold name.

When the Worth bat company sent a shipment of personalized black bats to him, the name on the barrel that identified the model was Davey Lopez.

A real hazard: Among courses represented in John Garrity’s new paperback book, “America’s Worst Golf Courses” is the Riverside Golf Club in Fresno.

It’s located by the San Joaquin River, where sportsmen fire rifles and shotguns at game or targets.

“One player was struck in the chest by a .22 caliber slug--but since the bullet just barely broke the skin, he finished his round before reporting the incident.”

Not fore-warned: James Henn wasn’t as resilient. He has sued a Long Island (N.Y.) golf club and a co-worker for $3 million, charging he was hit on the head with a golf ball during a company outing.

“This is my 11th year, and it is the first time I’ve heard of contact between ball and player,” said head golf pro Randy Cavanagh. Hey, Randy, have you been living in a cave?

Crisis: Jerry Browne recently replaced Bret Barberie in the starting lineup for the Florida Marlins because Barberie was experiencing discomfort with contact lenses.

That’s modern-day baseball, but hardly in the tradition of Lou Gehrig.

Trivia answer: Wilt Chamberlain, with 41 while playing for Philadelphia against Boston on April 5, 1967.

Quotebook: Birmingham Baron Manager Terry Francona, on doling out meal money to his right fielder: “There’s something odd about going up to Michael Jordan and slipping him $16 a day.”