Keep Cards Coming In, From Ei$nerland
Rick Rofman in Van Nuys writes:
Since rain and sleet and snow--no obstacle to the U.S. Postal Service--have put EuroDisney in the red, the snows of Gorman would render Ei$nerland a bad investment . . .
I believe (?) tax is included in the price of tickets to amusements, movies & sports, and it is added on to the price of toys at Disneyland & the Disney store.
Finally, Eisner’s title is chairman & chief executive officer, not chairman of the bored (!!) . . . and the company’s ZIP code is 91521, not 90521, which is in Torrance.
Miss Moneypenny? Please step into my office.
You’re fired.
It’s so hard to find good help these days. Thanks to Mr. Rofman, I now understand that my former secretary’s incompetence must be the reason that Michael Eisner hasn’t responded to my proposal that we team up to buy Gorman and create “Eisnerland.” My dream is to build a fantasyland for grown-ups who wish to indulge in the lifestyles of the rich and famous.
Calling it “Ei$nerland” is Rofman’s suggestion. It’s such a nice touch that I’ve already secured the copyright.
Despite Rofman’s doubts, I still have faith in the Ei$nerland concept. As I stated before, I am so confident that I am willing to invest the entire Harris family fortune if Mr. Eisner is willing to invest a mere 6 3/4% of his 1993 earnings of $203.1 million to buy Gorman and form Eisner-Harris Imagineering.
The beauty part is all the tax breaks we’ll get. Mr. Rofman is correct that we’ll have to charge sales tax on Ei$nerland toys and T-shirts. But, as Van Nuys tax activist Louis Barak can tell you, there will be no 8 1/2% sales tax on admission whatsoever! And when we book Barbra into the Eisner Concert Hall, when we feature Mike Tyson in his first fight since leaving prison, we won’t have to charge any tax on those megabucks front row tickets!
As Mr. Rofman notes, there have been some financial troubles at EuroDisney. I would submit that California, business-wise, is a friendlier place than France. It is estimated that $800 million in local, state and federal money will be spent on freeway off-ramps, roads, parking and utilities to smooth the way for the $3-billion expansion of Disneyland. Surely, the politicians would smile on Ei$nerland as well.
Perhaps Mr. Eisner will call later today. Meanwhile, there’s some other mail to get to.
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Leila McDermott of Sylmar writes:
Little Red Riding Hood and a cross-dressing wolf?
What rubbish.
You can quote me.
Done.
It was nice to hear from Mrs. McDermott. A year ago, you see, we had a little feud. My fear was that I had made a permanent enemy or, worse, lost a reader. This time, she wrote concerning a column that delved into the controversy surrounding the alleged reading selections on the California Learning Assessment System (CLAS) exam.
Her letter was so terse that I couldn’t tell what “what rubbish” referred to. Was it her opinion of my viewpoint or her opinion of the anti-CLAS views expressed by Debbie Greenfield? Greenfield, readers may recall, is a West Hills parent who sued the Los Angeles Unified School District over the controversial test. (She lost.)
Over the phone, Mrs. McDermott assured me it was the latter. She has little regard for the CLAS critics who see sinister motives and “anti-family” values within the exam. My point in mentioning Little Red Riding Hood was to state the obvious: that provocative notions may be found in just about any tale.
Come to think of it, it’s a wonder Disney hasn’t encountered CLAS-like scrutiny.
Think about it. Isn’t there something a bit weird about “Beauty and the Beast”? What happened to Donald Duck’s pants? Isn’t “Pirates of the Caribbean” a celebration of drunkenness, violence and crime? And what should we make of a song that goes: “Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!”
Really, now. That seems more appropriate for Ei$nerland.
Let’s see. There’s room here for just one more letter.
In fairness, I’ll pick one that takes a more favorable view of Debbie Greenfield’s ideas.
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Mary Peterson of Lancaster writes:
Can you get me the chicken and dumpling recipe made by shredding flour tortillas as one of the ingredients? It sounds so good . . .
Maybe they’ll put it in the food section.
It’s always stimulating to engage readers in a spirited debate over the important issues of the day. But then again, we all have to eat. Some readers were mortified by a passing reference to chicken-and-dumplings a la Greenfield. But some, like Peterson, were intrigued. Here’s the secret recipe from the chef herself, and you won’t find it on the CLAS test:
“All you do is take flour tortillas, preferably the thick ones, and slice them up into squares (about 2-inch by 2-inch), and throw them into the boiling broth.”
And some people wonder why I would be willing to give up such a great job just to build a theme park in Gorman.
Scott Harris’ column appears Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.
