WORLD CUP USA ’94 / THE FIRST ROUND : SPOTLIGHT : POINTS OFF FOR STYLE
Now that you’ve met the eight most stylish teams in the Round of 16, let’s look at the uncool teams, starting with the uncoolest of them all:
1) Netherlands: When asked about their chances in the tournament, some of them like to glare down at questioners and simply announce that, “We . . . are . . . Holland.”
Stuck in a bracket with Ireland and Brazil, they . . . are . . . also . . . . meat.
2) Germany: Note to Stefan Effenberg: The only person who can get away with flipping the bird to fans in Dallas is Charles Haley.
3) Spain: After their final first-round victory against Bolivia, Prince Felipe, heir to the Spanish throne, came into the locker room and criticized star Jose Luis Caminero for receiving a red card.
4) Brazil: Members of their press contingent are upset because they are not allowed to interview their goalkeeper on the field during the game. We are not making this up.
5) Sweden: It is rumored that many of the young men who paint their faces blue and gold and sit in the stands waving Swedish flags wouldn’t know Stockholm from South Pasadena. They are local college students trying to meet blond Swedish women.
6) Mexico: Coach Miguel Mejia Baron is a dead ringer for Oakland Athletic Manager Tony La Russa. That’s cool enough for us.
7) Romania: This Anghel Iordanescu-coached team has more vowels than fans. But after every game, players run around the field and try to thank each member of their cheering section personally.
8) Bulgaria: Midfielder (Air) Yordan Letchkov--nearly bald, weathered beyond his 26 years--is the only player in the tournament who has the courage to look like us.
