‘90s FAMILY : The Travel Nightmare : When one parent has to take a trip, it can be hell on Earth for those left behind. Here’s how to cope.

Every couple of months, actor Scott Baker hits the road to participate in charity events and promotions for the daytime drama “The Bold and The Beautiful.” Baker, who plays Connor Davis, is a veteran of daytime TV and knows that making appearances across the country is important to his work.

Although Baker doesn’t relish the idea of leaving his wife, Leilani, and their 3-year-old son, Thane, behind in their Granada Hills home, like so many working parents he knows that travel is part of the job.

And like many parents, Leilani has devised strategies for coping with those times when her spouse is away.

“I try to make those days fun for (Thane) because it’s lonelier at home and you’re trying to fill that time up,” she said.

Minimizing changes in the daily routine is another way to keep the family on an even keel when one parent is away, experts say.

“Established boundaries and structure allow children to perceive themselves as having some control within the family,” said family counselor Karen Renshaw-Joslin of Bellevue, Wash., author of the book “Positive Parenting From A to Z” (Ballantine, 1994).

“The routine (at home) should be such that when one parent leaves town for work, the other parent can pick up and continue on without much disruption,” she said.

Roman Carroll of Chatsworth finds that sticking to the daily routine helps her deal with husband Larry’s erratic work schedule as an NBC News reporter.

“His work hours change all the time, so I try to concentrate on making the children feel secure, and having a routine does that,” she said.

Since January’s earthquake, Roman has found that her daughter, Yenea, 7, and son, Larry Jr., 4, feel more edgy when their dad goes on assignment.

“I let the kids sleep in my bed and tell my neighbors and friends we are alone,” she said. “If the children seem especially panicky we say a prayer and that makes them feel better.”

Creating an extra-secure environment should be a primary concern for the parent left home with the children, said Dr. Stanley I. Greenspan, a clinical professor at the George Washington University Medical School in Washington, D.C., and author of several books, including “Playground Politics” (Addison-Wesley, 1994).

“With one parent gone there may be increased insecurities, increased anger or scary feelings,” Greenspan said. “You want to help them with those feelings by making yourself more available. Allow your child to express their feelings and then act out their feelings.”

Greenspan advises using a technique described in his book as “floor time,” in which a parent spends at least 30 minutes a day on the floor engaged in pretend play, with the child choosing the direction of that play.

“Floor time is as important for school-age children as it is for preschoolers,” Greenspan said. “Children need a way of relating to the parent who is gone.”

Greenspan suggests helping children cope by pretending with dolls or props in the play area.

“Keep a picture of Mom or Dad there, too,” he said. “Have the parent who is gone call every day if possible.”

Whatever your child’s reaction to a parent’s absence, Greenspan said, allow him or her to express those feelings--then offer comfort. Let your child act on his feelings through something constructive, such as writing a letter or drawing a picture. The worst thing a parent can do, he said, is to ignore the change.

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Even at the tender age of 2, Ryan Manor knows all about when and why his daddy has to leave town for work. As a port captain and offshore salesman for a marine transportation company in New Orleans, Steve Manor is used to packing up regularly on a moment’s notice. He prepares Ryan by involving him in the departure process.

“Ryan knows if Daddy’s going to the boat he packs a certain suitcase and needs certain items,” mom Kim Manor said. “Then Ryan will help him carry the suitcase to the car. Steve tells him goodby and that Daddy will return in a few days. It’s a routine that’s as important to Steve as it is to Ryan,” she said.

For families like the Manors, in which business travel is a way of life, being prepared is as important as maintaining a routine.

“Before Steve leaves, I try to take care of all the errands that would be harder to handle with Ryan in tow,” Kim Manor said.

She finds that finishing housework and other time-consuming responsibilities are best taken care of before her husband leaves or after Ryan goes to bed.

“When you’re trying to make more time for your child, keeping up with the house isn’t a priority,” she said.

Arlinda Henderson, a flight attendant living in Malibu, prepares lists for her husband, John Ronge, and lays out clothes for their three sons--Brian, 9, and Michael and Robert, 7--before she leaves twice a month for New Zealand or Australia.

“I do it to help remind them of what’s happening each day while I’m gone. It can get rather hectic for John, especially when he has to help all three of them with their homework each night,” Henderson said.

Ronge and the boys survive with a fair amount of fast food and car-pooling, but being a self-employed accountant has made the biggest difference of all. Ronge finds the flexibility of his job makes life less hectic when he and the boys are on their own.

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Other significant factors in surviving temporary single parenthood include making time for yourself and establishing a support network of family and friends.

Roma Hobbs of Calabasas accomplished both when she and her husband, Wes, a commercial helicopter pilot, lived overseas nearly 10 years ago with their two daughters, now 16 and 11.

“He was gone for two out of every six weeks,” Hobbs said. “I spent a lot of time reading, catching up on correspondence and knitting, but going back to school was my biggest release,” she said.

Hobbs also found strength in a family she could lean on.

“Family members always rallied around us, especially on weekends when it was very difficult. We were very fortunate to have my family around. The girls had uncles, aunts and cousins to help balance things out when their father was gone,” she said.

Also essential is consistent discipline. Hobbs said her girls knew the rules stayed the same regardless of who was at home.

“I never wanted them to fear when their dad came home,” Hobbs said. “I never tattled on them and anything that happened before he got there had already been dealt with.”

Child psychiatrist Greenspan advises keeping your boundaries wide and enforcing them: “It’s better to win one battle than lose lots of little ones out of sheer exhaustion.”