Trouble was brewing, all right: A bus...

Trouble was brewing, all right: A bus driver on Ventura Boulevard called an MTA dispatcher to report a passenger with a “Colt .45” in his waistband. Police climbed aboard the bus and found that it was no false alarm. One man did indeed have a quart of Colt 45 malt liquor tucked in his pants.

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Quake fashions: So what does the stylish, well-prepared Angeleno wear in these seismically uncertain times?

Mansaver Corp., based in Northridge, suggests a vest made of “polypropylene webbing with a tensile strength of 600 pounds per square inch.” (Our sketch shows the frontal view.) The garment’s numerous breast and “circumferential belt pockets are fabricated with coated nylon with a tensile strength of 3,000 pounds per square inch.”

Fine, but is there a pocket for our sunglasses?

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Signing off: Radio personality Jim Healy was sometimes called L.A.’s Walter Winchell because he peppered his gossipy, acerbic sports show with telegraph key sound effects.

But Healy went Winchell one better, using more than 500 sound bites, many from the non-sports world.

KMPC, his last station, gave them one last play Wednesday night on a 90-minute tribute to Healy, who died of cancer last month at the age of 70.

Once again, listeners could hear Johnny Grant angrily yelling, “Blow it out!” to protesters while emceeing a visit of then-President George Bush. The many Healy-coined nicknames were reprised, including “Brain Surgeons” for USC football players.

And there was a replay of Healy’s induction into the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Guest speaker Milton Berle quipped that day that George Burns couldn’t attend “on account of the distance--he’s across the street.”

The last broadcast of Healy’s 43-year career was April 28 when KMPC abandoned its all-sports format. Many fans assumed his highly rated show would pop up elsewhere.

“True to himself, at the end, he got his own exclusive,” said former Times sports columnist John Hall. “He kept his illness a secret from everyone and nobody knew how really ill he was. He broke the story himself when he died.”

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Bad connection: Roy Harris of West L.A. sent us a copy of his bill from Pacific Bell, which contains the heading: “New two-sided form saves paper!” (Note the exclamation point, designed to make sure customers are properly excited.)

Anyway, the back side of his bill is blank except for the words: “BLANK PAGE.”

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Still life: Now, don’t go accusing us of being politically incorrect when we report that, in an outdoor mall in Santa Monica, a colleague saw a bum holding a sign. After all, it said: “A bum holding a sign.”

Hey, Pacific Bell would appreciate the explanation.

miscelLAny:

In his biography of movie mogul Harry Cohn, author Bob Thomas points out that among the words banned from movies in the 1930s were cripes, Gawd, goose, hold your hat, in your hat, hell or damn (in most instances), madam (relating to prostitution), SOB, tart and whore. And, of course, there was also a ban against the f-word: fanny.