Commentary : WHEN TALK SHOWS GO THUMP IN THE DAY

This TV season, Marilu Henner has her own talk show, ex-Thighmistress Suzanne Somers has her own talk show and oodles of other people--I get a max of 700 words here so I can’t mention all of them--have talk shows.

So it got me thinking: Who doesn’t have a talk show? Why, my Holland lop, Pookie.

A rabbit? you snicker. Why not. She has plenty of whatever it takes to make a splendid talk-show host.

She’s adorable (one of the cutest twitching noses around). She can be aggressive (nothing stands between her and a Granny Smith apple). She can be probing (watch as she paws her way through a pile of blankets). And she won’t become one of those prima donna talk-show hostesses, bickering about her salary (just keep those apples coming and there won’t be any trouble).

But who, you ask, would appear on her show? And what, you wonder, would they ever talk about?

Next, on “Pookie”:

“I’m Obnoxious, You’re Obnoxious!”: An exclusive interview with the Energizer Bunny includes a visit to the forest, where a secret sect of male rabbits, called Blybunnies, cry and beat drums and whine, “Why doesn’t my doe understand me?!”

“Alice in Woozyland!”: The White Rabbit tells all in the tell-all best-seller, “Alice Dearest.”

“I Had 20 Rabbits in a Single Litter!”: Five mother rabbits and their 100 toddler bunnies take over the “Pookie” set.

“I Cleaned Up After 105 Rabbits!”: Janitors take TV viewers on a sweeping tour of the “Pookie” set.

“Playboy Bunnies Reunion!”: What’s life like after The Centerfold? Former bunnies talk about their days of running around the garden of the Playboy mansion. “If we wanted carrots, Hef gave us carrots. If we wanted lettuce, Hef gave us lettuce,” says four-time centerfold, Flopsie. (Of course, Flopsie will be flogging her new video out next spring, “Finding Your Inner Bunny.”)

“My Hysterectomy!”: In a poignant interview with herself, Pookie discusses when she was fixed, why she was fixed, how she was fixed, where she was fixed and who fixed her. “Best thing that ever happened to my owner,” she says, “uh, and to me.”

“Rabbit Reincarnation!”: Pookie and guest Dionne Warwick make contact with all the dead rabbits from “Watership Down.”

“When Rabbits Fly!”: The pros and cons of dwarf rabbit tossing are debated.

“Can’t We All Just Get Along?”: Holland lops, French lops and English lops hurl insults (“Your mother has paws!”) and call each other terrible, terrible names including, “You long-eared varmint.”

“So Who Killed Roger Rabbit?”: Pookie goes underground in this special investigative report and finds lots of intrigue, as well as tunnels burrowed by rabbits, gophers and moles.

“Threats! Threats! Threats!”: Famed psychologist Dr. Benjamin Bunny tells pet owners that it does no good to threaten an ornery rabbit with a stewpot. “Pet rabbits! You can keep ‘em,” he says. “Tougher than rubber bands, they are.”

“Starting Over!”: Rabbits who’ve found second careers as business owners. Show includes a visit to the Hair and Tortoise Beauty Salon. Its motto: “If you’re in a rush, go somewhere else.”

“The Billions of Bunnies of Madison County!”: Pookie reports live from conservative Madison County, where she interviews the billions of bunnies there about birth control.

“Gang Bunnies!”: Thumper, Buck and Ben Gee Man rap with Pookie about life in the hutch.

Michelle Williams is deputy editor of Life & Style.