LAUGH LINES : Jokes

It’s a small world: Among David Letterman’s Top 10 new names rejected for EuroDisney:

* Euro Disaster.

* El Biggo Mistake-o.

* Never-Never-Profit Land.

* Beaucoup de Crap Americain.

* Boutros Boutros-Goofy.

* Have-You-Forgotten-We-Saved-Your-Ass-in-World-War-II Land.

Pick your punch line, Part I: Disney Records’ will release an all-rap album, “Mickey Unrapped”:

* Comedy writer Mark Miller: “One of the cuts will simply be the sound of Walt spinning in his grave.”

* Comedy writer Bob Mills: “On another cut, Mickey Mouse sings about killing a rat from a rival record label.”

* Comic Leslie Coogan: “Goofy, Donald and Minnie join Mickey on the album, but Pluto has been replaced by Snoop Doggy Dogg.”

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In the news: Jay Leno, on U.S. Army planes dropping explanation leaflets on Haiti: “How about dropping a few of those leaflets on us? I would like to know what the hell we are doing and why.”

James Bates, on firemen responding to reports of smoke in the West Wing of the White House on Friday: “There was no need to worry about President Clinton’s safety. Everyone knows he doesn’t inhale.”

Comedy writer Tony Peyser, on word that jailed mass murderer Jeffrey Dahmer has found God: “He reads the Bible every day, but some parts have to be explained. For instance, he thought the disciples were the Last Supper.”

Comedy writer Alan Ray, on Stanford scientists opening a center for the study of tuna: “The results are mixed so far: They have no significant findings, but they never have to worry about lunch.”

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Punch line, Part II: Baseball season canceled:

* Alan Ray: “It’s sad to see the faces of little children who don’t understand what’s going on. Yep, those players and owners are hard to look at.”

* Stan Kaplan: “What baseball needs is a positive commissioner, one who is strong, tough, fearsome and with the mind-set of players and owners. How about Charles Manson?”

* Leslie Coogan: “Worst of all is that with baseball over and Michael Jackson not performing, there is no place for our children to watch grown men grab their crotches in public.”

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Reader Shaunna Zavala of Ventura says that when her daughter, Amelia, was 2 1/2, she spent the day with Zavala’s sister. “Gimme more milk!” Amelia demanded while eating a snack. “What’s the magic word?” coaxed her aunt, trying to encourage good manners.

Amelia’s brow furrowed in concentration for a few minutes, then she brandished the empty glass and proclaimed: “Abracadabra!”