Uh, I can explain, officer . ....

Uh, I can explain, officer . . . A lot of people say their driver’s license photos don’t do them justice, but Santa Fe Springs engineer Shan Treanor has a better case than most. The person pictured on his just-issued license is that of a woman. A woman wearing earrings, no less. Meanwhile, the license identifies Treanor as a 5-foot-10, 210-pound male. Perhaps someone at the DMV needs to take the vision test.

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The spy who surfed in from the cold (cont.): We may have stumbled upon the basis for that KGB officer’s recent accusation that Pepperdine University indulged in some industrial spying in Russia.

We came upon the clue where we do a lot of our sleuthing--at a Blockbuster Video outlet. There, we noticed a 1984 movie with an eerie number of parallels to the KGB yarn--spies, private eyes, computers, Russian agents, etc.

The title: “Malibu Express.”

We still think L.A. deserves the title: A colleague of ours, Catherine Gewertz, snapped a shot of a savings and loan whose sign has lately taken on a seismological meaning.

Ironically, it’s in Whittier, site of the 5.9 shaker of Oct. 1, 1987.

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Now if they’d only serve Dodger Dogs, too: Here’s another reminder of how Only in L.A. goes to bat for you. At this column’s urging, the L.A. Philharmonic Orchestra has announced that during October it will exchange one concert ticket at the box office for two tickets to a canceled Dodger game. But, remember, Dodger fans. Please don’t leave the concerts 45 minutes early to beat the traffic.

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Bracing for a suit: An advertiser in the L.A. Daily Journal seemingly wants to take a bite out of USC’s treasury. Or is this a UCLA Bruin trick?

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Life in the espresso lane: It seems that about every third building in L.A. is a coffeehouse these days. And the trend is spilling over into the streets. A company called Coffee Quick offers curbside service to motorists at several San Fernando Valley intersections. The emphasis is on “quick,” by the way. So let’s not emulate that character in Steve Martin’s “L.A. Story” and order a double decaf cappuccino with a twist of lemon.

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Oh, Lord: OK, we sort of blew the story about the edited piece of graffiti Downtown. As Richard Kopelle reminds us, it started as “GOD SAVE US FROM HELL.” And someone else lengthened it to read: “GOD SAVE US FROM HELLO DOLLY REVIVALS.” Amen.

miscelLAny Aware that the Chinese character for “eight” also means “luck,” First Interstate Bank is targeting Chinese American customers by offering checking account numbers that begin with 888, rather than the usual three-digit code for the customer’s local branch. At a recent Chinese Moon Festival celebration in Pasadena, the bank even offered a group of especially lucky numbers, with meanings such as “Year after year you have lots of fortune” (888 800 888).