A newly revealed side effect of malathion?Christopher...

A newly revealed side effect of malathion?Christopher Smith of Camarillo, the latest home of a gang of Medflies, picked up a flyer from GASP, whose letters stand for Group Against Spraying People. At least, we think they do. But the flyer used the word “Spaying.”

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Off the news rack: We were shocked--shocked!--to find photos of Police Chief Willie Williams in the National Enquirer and Star tabloids. It turns out they were merely shots taken at the Jack Webb Tribute, a fund-raiser for the Los Angeles Police Department’s Historical Museum. Williams posed with a group of actors who had portrayed cops through the years.

But where was Lt. Frank Drebin of “Police Squad”? Probably got lost on the way.

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Can’t be too careful these days: Eva Hain alerted us to the fact that the LAPD has a little backup help at its substation in the Larchmont area (see photo). That’s one subject TV hasn’t tackled--LAPD rent-a-cops.

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Crystal unclear: Archie and Lois Hardy of Apple Valley sent along a copy of L.A. Cellular’s Clear Talk, whose headline says people are buying cellular phones for “piece of mind.”

Actually, we’d love to have given a piece of our mind to the slowpoke speaking into a car phone ahead of us on the freeway the other morning.

The Demento touch: The legacy of the late Jim Healy, the wacky KMPC sportscaster, lives on.

Whimsical Will Simpson is emulating Healy’s use of news bites for comical effect in his broadcasts on the Dr. Demento radio show. Whimsical Will, whose “Demento News” segments can be heard on Sunday nights on 101.9 FM, also employs countless blurbs, including some from Healy’s collection of utterances by Howard Cosell and others. (One of our favorites is honorary Hollywood Mayor Johnny Grant’s quote, “Aw, blow it out,” which he barked at some protesters.)

KMPC, meanwhile, is selling tapes ($12 apiece) of its entertaining 90-minute special on Healy, produced by Steve Bailey. Proceeds go to the American Cancer Society. (Information: 310-840-4914.)

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Next the DMV will want an arm and a leg: Here’s another slapstick story from the folks at the Department of Motor Vehicles, who occasionally issue driver’s licenses with the wrong people’s photos on them.

This one concerns the driver’s license renewal form. Both Andrew Sincosky of West Covina and Leonard Martinez of Canoga Park noticed that their letters had lines of mangled type that gave the impression that, in addition to the usual fees, the DMV wants its ounces of flesh.

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Which reminds us: Healy wouldn’t have been surprised by USC’s Nobel Prize. On his show, he regularly referred to USC football players as “The Brain Surgeons.” Of course, he was a UCLA grad.

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Can a crystal ball be subpoenaed?The front-page headline in the Weekly World News blares: “Nostradamus Predicted O.J. Verdict; Prophet Knew the Stunning Answer 500 Years Ago!”

And the verdict?

Dunno. We didn’t shell out a buck for the answer.

miscelLAny The Allied Driving School’s ad in the Yellow Pages says: “Unmarked cars upon request.”