These Are the Times . . .

In times like this it is important to step back and remind ourselves of one of the greatest contributions the state Legislature makes to society: entertainment. Yes, yes, there are budgets and bills to pass and all that, but these adventures in civics usually are tedious undertakings. The heavy lifting is done by drones or back-room dealers. None of us knows quite what is going on and, more to the point, none cares--in large measure because the results never come close to matching the rhetoric.

Every so often, though, Capitol business can turn weird, melodramatic and wickedly fun. This is one of those times. Willie Brown, declared null and void last week by almost every pundit in town, has spent the last two days defying simple math and dazzling parliamentarians everywhere as he endeavors to extend his 14-year reign as Speaker of the Assembly.

The action has been fast, unpredictable and outlandish, a purple drama of switched votes, death threats, Machiavellian maneuvers and bitter wit. At present, Brown has secured a 40-40 stalemate with Jim Brulte, the Republican who began the week believing he had 41 votes in his pocket. “It will be fast,” Brulte’s press officer had boasted of the pending GOP takeover, “and it will be painless.”

Well, so much for that prognostication. In contrast, the hopeful prediction here is that the battle will be slow and full of torture--that it will last months, obscure all the rest of the Statehouse baloney that typically passes for Important News and, in the end, will mean nothing much to anybody, except the participants. Around such dynamics are great dramas formed.

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This forecast, by the way, is not wholly uninformed. There is a person up here who has operated in and around the Capitol for many years, who has stood beside Brown in similar crises, who is standing by him in this one. And sometimes, to my great fortune, this person will pick up the telephone and, with a promise of anonymity, attempt to fill my empty cup of Sacramento knowledge with a nip or two of the real, inside stuff.

Just last week, this person had warned me away from any premature burial of Speaker Brown. “Old age and treachery,” he suggested with an arresting confidence, “will win out every time over youth and skill.” On Tuesday my source graciously admitted that he had told me so, and then told me some more.

What about Paul Horcher, the Republican who had surprised his party-mates by voting for Brown instead of Brulte?

“Horcher is the kid in school who had his milk money stolen everyday. And then, 20 years later, the guys who always messed with him are big shots driving around drunk in a limo and a cop pulls them over. And the cop is Horcher. And they say, ‘Hey, Paul, how you doin’? Remember us?’ And he says, ‘Yeah. I remember. Get out of the car and spread ‘em.’ The Republicans treated Horcher like dirt. They created Horcher.”

Did Brown and his people know they had Horcher’s vote going in? “We knew.” So have the events unfolded by accident, or design? “Design. It is all by design.” Even the bit about the clerk calling in sick? “Wouldn’t you call in sick, too?” And what happens next?

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Here the source went into a long description of a scenario, a stalling game, that extends well into next year. It likely will begin with the departure--forced or otherwise--of Assemblyman Dick Mountjoy (R-Arcadia), who somehow has managed to become elected simultaneously to the state Senate and Assembly. With Mountjoy gone, Brown would be elected Speaker by a majority 40-39 vote. Once elected, it will take, by law, 41 votes to unseat Brown--whether Mountjoy’s seat has been filled or not. From that point forward, an anticipated series of recall attempts, special elections and so forth will keep the Republicans always close to the needed 41 votes but never over the top.

This surely would frustrate Gov. Pete Wilson, a Republican with ambitions, no?

“That’s pretty lightweight thinking,” my teacher scolded. “Wilson needs Willie Brown. Not to bash, but to make sure the government runs. What Wilson doesn’t need now is more IOUs and chaos. It takes 54 votes to pass a budget. The Republicans will never be able to deliver their 40 votes. Maybe they can deliver 30. That means Wilson then has got to find 24 Democrats. If Willie Brown is Speaker, then, once there is a deal, Wilson can count on 40 Democrat votes and he only needs to go out and get 14 Republicans. . . .

“At some point,” he concluded, “it will sink in on the Republicans that they don’t have the votes. And at some point, they will decide enough. The Legislature will have to get back to business. There will be budgets to pass, bills to deliver.”

For entertainment’s sake, let’s hope that day doesn’t come any time soon.