ETIQUETTE : When in Doubt, Say Send a Thank You
The holiday season brings up a flurry of etiquette questions ranging from when to give a Christmas party to how much to tip service providers.
“With the Yuletide decorations going up at Thanksgiving or even before,” says etiquette expert Elizabeth L. Post, “how soon is too soon for a Christmas party? It’s a question I’m often asked by hostesses eager to avoid conflicts with other holiday invitations.
“There’s no real rule, but unless there is a specific reason for an earlier date, I recommend starting the Christmas party season no sooner than Dec. 15.”
If you are new in the neighborhood, inviting the neighbors in for a casual gathering and a Christmas open house would be a fine way to start.
“I’d avoid more formal dinner invitations, though, until you know people better, or they have entertained you,” Post says.
Other questions she has been asked involve the sending of Christmas postcards and the use of fancy gift bags instead of traditional Christmas gift wrap.
Post gave her stamp of approval to both, saying that although the postcards “don’t quite have the charm of traditional cards, they are an acceptable alternative.” She found the gift bags very attractive wrappings.
“Thank-you” responses for gifts can be a problem. There are, for instance, the business gifts from business associates that are essentially thanks for services provided during the year. Do they, in turn, require a thank you? The answer is yes.
“An extra thank you never hurts,” Post says, “and it is courteous to let the senders know that the gifts arrived.”
The same logic applies when you get early delivery of a gift purchased from a mail-order catalogue. Thank the sender right away so he or she will know it arrived.
Incidentally, when your toddler receives gifts, you might write a note, read it to your child, then have him or her sign it with an X.
“This practice will be good training . . . when it comes to writing future thank yous,” Post says.
Holiday tipping can be a problem, but Post offers these suggestions as guidelines:
Postal regulations forbid mail deliverers from accepting tips, but whether you wish to offer a gift is up to you--and to them whether to accept it.
The going rate for tips for baby-sitters, paper carriers, hairstylists and others who give you personal service varies according to where you live and the extent of service given. Most will genuinely appreciate your generosity.
Some people, instead of exchanging gifts, prefer to give money to charity. If you receive such a message, you are not bound to reciprocate in kind and are free to act as you wish--after you assure them that you think what they are doing is admirable.
If your gift list is getting too long and you want to stop the neighbors from sending you fruit or whatever and being obliged to reciprocate, speak up.
“Tell your neighbors you have enjoyed their gifts but would like to cut down on both giving and receiving,” Post says. “Suggest that in the future you just exchange cards.”