Posting Good Cheer : Thousand Oaks : * ZIP: 91360 : * Number of people in line upon arrival: 30 : * Number of people in line upon departure: 29

My local post office is so nice I almost consider it a getaway. (I have young children, so I’m vacation impaired.) It’s clean, modern, has ample parking, nice trees, fancy machines and a concierge who works the line (“Hello, I’m Michael, how may I help you?”).

The last time I was here another genuinely helpful postal worker overheard me fumbling with a worn dollar bill that wouldn’t go through a change machine--and scurried over with a clean bill.

On this particular day, I’ve bribed the kids with the promise of a bagel run if they’ll just get along for however long it takes to mail the package, but the line seems discouragingly long. We’re stuck in the outer lobby, back with post office boxes that seem to have quadruple digits.

After two minutes, the woman in front of us silently peels off. Guess her relatives aren’t worth the wait.

Everyone else is so civilized--and surprised when the pace of the line starts to quicken. But after two more minutes, the children escape to a garden bench next to a counter, except my 3-year-old son can’t sit still. He does the limbo with the plastic rope that forms the lines, then lifts my dress.

The television monitor mounted on the wall has been playing mildly annoying postal commercials. It switches to a message with an equally annoying happy holidays theme, but we don’t care--we’re near the front of the line, which has been moving at a relatively brisk three persons a minute.

My son shrieks long and loud from the bench, but I can’t tell what’s wrong from where I’m standing, and I’m not about to give up my place at the front of the line. I think about pretending he’s not mine, but instead I coax my 6-year-old daughter into bringing him to me. He starts to explain how the bench “bit my elbow” when I hear, “Next?”

The actual mailing takes seconds. I gather the kids, avoid any eye contact with the line on the way out--and resolve to mail all my packages this late next year.

Total time: 10 minutes