LAUGH LINES : Both Really Wear on the Patience

The great white shark caught off Santa Monica has been identified from records supplied by the American Bar Assn.

* Lawyers are just like enemas. You hate ‘em until you need one, then you still hate ‘em.

* A thought occurred to me as I was watching the Whitewater hearings. Washington D.C. has lawyers the way New York has rats. I guess New York got to choose first.

* A Wyoming group offers lawyers a monthlong workshop on a large ranch. The complete $2,900 package includes travel, lodging and three feeding frenzies a day.

* At a school that teaches lawyers to be more human, students debate such ethical questions as: Should you continue to profess your client’s innocence even though he hasn’t paid his bill?

* A new blood test may save thousands of heart attack patients. It can quickly distinguish between the pain caused by cardiac arrest and the normal pain a person experiences when his wallet is forcibly removed by his doctor.

* My cousin flunked medical school. He was too squeamish, fainting at the sight of money.

* An orangutan had open heart surgery at the San Diego Zoo. It was touch and go for a while after doctors discovered, during the operation, that the animal didn’t have major medical.

* The two American doctors who won the Nobel Prize for medicine recently performed another miracle. Both showed up for an appointment on time.