For Actresses, Herbert Ross Is the Director From Heaven : Movies: Director of ‘Turning Point,’ ‘Steel Magnolias’ and now ‘Boys on the Side’ credits his marriages to Nora Kaye and Lee Radziwill for his sensitivity to feminine and feminist issues.

Herbert Ross shrugs off the mantle of “women’s director.” After all, there have been 25 very diverse films including “Pennies From Heaven” and “The Goodbye Girl.” Still, at 67, he deserves credit for taking on many feminine--and feminist--issues onscreen.

Which brings us to “Boys on the Side,” which opens Friday. The offbeat drama stars Whoopi Goldberg, Mary Louise Parker and Drew Barrymore as, respectively, a lesbian musician, a yuppie heterosexual who has AIDS and a floozy who’s also an accidental murderer. Like “The Turning Point” and “Steel Magnolias,” two previous Ross ensembles, this film deals with very different kinds of women bonding in the nick of time.

“I think what I first related to in ‘Boys,’ ” says Ross, a former dancer and ballet choreographer, “is the idea that there is no more conventional family as we knew it as children. I was struck by this band of desperately alone people who form a mutual support system.” Give him points for diversity as well. “I made a conscious attempt to keep it as multiethnic as the society we live in,” he says.

Goldberg was already signed on by the time Ross became involved and he could not have been happier. “There’s no question she’s a real actress,” he says. “She’s so simple, unmannered and able to draw on so much experience.”

Goldberg practically gushes at the mere mention of his name: “Let’s just say his directing was the icing on the cake.”

Although Parker was not the first choice for the pivotal role of the ailing heroine, Ross had been a devoted fan since seeing her in “Grand Canyon.” Now he’s in awe not only of her talent, but also her dedication: “She got very nervous around her big scenes, but I realized it was because she was pretty much starving herself the last 10 days,” he says. “When I see her now, I hardly recognize her. She’s a strong, healthy girl.”

Parker feels one reason Ross works so well with women is his willingness to discuss subjects and emotions that might be considered un-macho for others. “He’s not afraid or squeamish to discuss emotions, so characters are allowed to take on different shades and degrees,” she says. “And he’s wildly intelligent and articulate. He made me feel free when I usually hold a lot in. He’s not an autocrat. We’d have these great arguments and he convinced me sometimes, yet he was open to me. I worked my ass off for him and we’re talking about working together in the theater.”

The film may end up being most beneficial for Barrymore, who seemed to be washed up before leaving her teens. She is downright luminous this time around, and Ross--who’s worked with Barbra Streisand, Shirley MacLaine, Anne Bancroft, Sally Field and Julia Roberts--claims: “She has the potential for being the biggest star I’ve ever worked with. She has the fascinating mixture of naivete and sophistication, innocence and corruption.”

Ross calls the picture, which was shot in New York, Tucson and Los Angeles, “my most painless professional experience.” To attain the necessary camaraderie among the three leads, he saved the final, most emotionally draining scenes until the end of the shoot. “I knew after having spent all that time together, they’d have much more to bring to those scenes.”

Dealing with AIDS in a quiet, almost secondary way was also appealing to the director, who has seen his worlds of film and dance decimated by the disease. “It may take us another 20 years to replenish what’s been lost,” he says. “I was proud to be part of something that dignifies it. The film is full of important small moments, like when Drew hands over her baby for Mary Louise to hold. And when the character reveals her illness, no one is the least bit critical of her. There’s a non-judgmental quality of it that I love.”

Ross refuses to see a “full circle” element to his trio of all-women’s films, but says there are similarities: “They all reflect what was happening in our society at the time,” he says. “ ‘Turning Point’ was about the choices you make and the passion of dance. ‘Steel Magnolias’ was about a company of women who reinforced each other through the travails of their lives. This one is about people whose lives are threatened by AIDS. Ultimately, they’re all about choices and families and they make the point that none of us can survive independently.”

As to why he’s so prone to the, well, feminine, side of life, Ross credits the two main women in his life--the late dancer Nora Kaye, to whom he was married for more than 30 years, and current wife Lee Radziwill, sister of the late Jacqueline Onassis. “I spent all those years in ballet and as Balanchine said, ballet is woman,” he says. “I’m used to perceiving women as independent and often more than our equals. It’s not an accident I’ve been with two very strong, intelligent ones.”

Although some of his recent films--”Undercover Blues” with Kathleen Turner and “My Blue Heaven” with Steve Martin--have performed dismally at the box office, Ross claims not to be nervous that this one shall pass unnoticed, though he did propose to Warner Bros. that the film be released in December for possible Oscar nominations in a year of weak female roles.

“They convinced me it was wiser to take the extra weeks for refining it,” says Ross, who doesn’t so much lament the current appetite for the big and the violent as the dearth of good material. “I’ve read 40 scripts since ‘Boys on the Side,’ ” he says, “and I’m struck by the near absence of anything remotely literary.”

But he has no plans to slow down and there are more actresses out there he’s yet to work with. “I like Winona (Ryder) a lot,” he says, “and Meg Ryan and Michelle Pfeiffer. I’m crazy about Natasha Richardson and Anjelica Huston. Let’s face it. I like women and I get along very well with them.”

And the feelings seem mutual. Barrymore, who probably has the most at stake with this film, says of the director: “He’s an incredible man who is in touch with his femininity. He allows you to fly as he nurtures the flow of creativity that you develop with him.”