With Murray, Be Careful What You Ask

Scott Simpson, who has played dozens of rounds of golf with Bill Murray, has a telephone book list of the comedian-actor’s antics. His favorite?

“It might be a round at Kapalua (Hawaii),” Simpson said. “Bill is teeing it up, about to hit, and three ladies yell, ‘Bill, give us something to remember you by.’

“They yell again, ‘Bill, give us something to remember you by.’ Bill drops his clubs, goes over to one of the ladies, takes a wad of gum out of his mouth and sticks it on one of the ladies’ foreheads.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NBA record for most free throws made in a season?

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Long-time loaner: An unidentified sportswriter returned a Super Bowl courtesy car in Miami last month. Routine stuff? Hardly.

He had checked the car out three years ago, when the Super Bowl was played in Minneapolis.

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Hard time: Charles Smith of the New York Knicks on his four-year stint with the Clippers:

“I lost my hair out there with the stress, the losing. I had to go to the hospital because I was so stressed out. I couldn’t eat, I got dehydrated, sick. They put IVs in me. It was terrible.”

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Blind shot: Question to the Good Doctor in Inside Sports magazine: “Chi Chi Rodriguez was grand marshal of the Rose Parade. Any trouble in Chi Chi’s car?”

Answer: “Only when he put a head cover on his driver.”

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Vicious: A new publication called the Wait Till Next Year Gazette (MOJO Press, Elk Grove Village, Ill.) contains 16 pages of Chicago Cub-bashing.

In one cartoon, new Cub President Andy MacPhail is calling Dr. Jack Kevorkian to ask about a group rate.

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It’s about time: John Salley, Miami Heat forward, after being presented with a DetroitPiston jersey by former teammates Joe Dumars and Vinnie Johnson at halftime of a recent game:

“It’s amazing, two guys who never passed me the ball just passed me my jersey.”

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Weather station: Ben Wright, CBS-TV commentator, on working in the tower on the 17th hole near the ocean at Pebble Beach:

“I freeze to death out there every year. As far as I’m concerned it’s one of the coldest places on Earth.”

His colleagues put a sign on the tower in front of Wright that read “Nanook of the North.”

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Limited options: Charles Barkley on his former Philadelphia 76er teammate, point guard Maurice Cheeks:

“Mo could only see out of one eye. Doc (Julius Erving) was always in the other one. If you were on one side, and Doc was on the other one, you stopped running (on the fast break).”

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Trivia answer: Jerry West of the Lakers, with 840 in 1965-66.

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Quotebook: Garry St. Jean, Sacramento King coach, on the aesthetic qualities of his team: “We’re not going to win any beauty contests. When we walk down the apron, we’re not in the top three.”