Well, they stayed together longer than Martin...

Well, they stayed together longer than Martin and Lewis: Don’t know if you’ve heard, but in a new Topps Comics book, Tonto tells the Lone Ranger, “I’m not your Indian . . . I’m not anyone’s Indian. I’m Tonto.”

And then he decks Kemosabe with a punch to the jaw (“Smack!”).

We’re surprised it took Tonto so long to see the light. After all, how many times has he been sent into town on some errand only to be jumped and beaten by a trio of black-hatted guys?

Besides, the breakup was foreshadowed years ago in a comedy routine.

It’s the one where the Lone Ranger and Tonto are about to be attacked by a thousand Apaches.

“It looks like we’re in trouble now,” the Lone Ranger says.

To which Tonto responds: “What do you mean we , white man?”

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They didn’t have a clue?Richard Riehle of Los Feliz called to say that he’d found an interesting clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle. It was No. 55 across: “Largest newspaper in Calif.”

Naturally, the answer was: “LATIMES.”

What surprised Riehle was that he came across the puzzle in the newspaper published by our friends at the L.A. Daily News.

List of the Day: We’ve often heard people say L.A. has no seasons. Which isn’t true at all. L.A. does have seasons. It’s just, as columnist Jack Smith has noted, they can change almost daily.

Further proof is provided in the 1995 “Southern California DOES HAVE Weather Calendar,” published by California Weather Enterprises. Some extremes:

* Jan. 4, 1949: The temperature falls to 28 degrees in L.A., equaling the coldest since record-keeping began in 1877.

* Jan. 15, 1932: Two inches of snow falls in L.A., the most ever here.

* March 2, 1938: A deluge of 5.88 inches falls on L.A., its wettest day.

* March 20, 1992: A small tornado moves through the Monterey Park area. Winds in the funnel hit an estimated 100 m.p.h.

* June 26, 1990: The mercury soars to 112 on L.A.’s hottest day. Luckily, it cooled off to 109 the next day.

* Sept. 8, 1943: Smog “was officially detected” for the first (but not the last) time in the L.A. area.

* Dec. 25, 1980: L.A. reaches 85 degrees, the day Santa Claus sweated off 10 pounds.

Officer, I haven’t had a drink--honest!By the way, the calendar contains a series of safety tips for “Weather-Related Disasters,” including this one under the “Lightning” category:

“If you feel your hair stand on end, lightning may be about to strike you. Drop to your knees and bend forward immediately.”

We’re sure it’s good advice. But if we were in a crowd, we’d wait for someone else to assume that posture, first.

miscelLAny When the Vancouver nightspot was called Xen’s, it didn’t attract much attention. But since changing its name, it has begun to draw huge crowds and a local reviewer certified it as a “hot spot.” The new name: Mezzaluna. A spokesman pointed out that the similarity with the Brentwood restaurant is a coincidence; the Canadian spot adopted the name before the double murder on Bundy Drive.