Piniella Already May Be Losing His Appetite for Replacements

Concerned that his replacement players are putting on too much weight, Seattle Mariner Manager Lou Piniella has put them on a diet.

No more cheese, no more potato chips and no more ice cream, Piniella proclaimed.

“I thought the way it was put to us was pretty much a put-down,” said Duane Page, a pitcher who played in the independent Northern League last season. “If Ken Griffey Jr. or Jay Buhner went 0 for 3, or Randy Johnson gave up some runs, I don’t think their lunches would be taken from them.”

There, there.

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Trivia time: When did UCLA make its first appearance in the NCAA basketball tournament and what was the result?

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No problem: Kevin Sherrington of the Dallas Morning News writes that Dennis Rodman of the San Antonio Spurs is not concerned that frequent dye jobs might eventually cost him his hair.

“If it falls out, I’ll just tattoo it,” Rodman said.

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Homesick: Britain’s Nick Faldo is back on the PGA Tour for the first time since 1989 and said he misses European beer.

“Drinking American beer is like making love in a boat. It’s close to water,” he said.

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Stinging criticism: Bob Kravitz of the Rocky Mountain News writes that the name of the new major league expansion team, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, “is indisputably the dumbest, least inspired nickname in recent sports history.”

However, the St. Petersburg Times defends the name, listing some long-ago minor league names that were worse: Sterling Rag Chewers, Cedartown Sea Cows, Memphis Fever Germs, Shenandoah Hungarian Rioters and Iola Gasbags.

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Muzzle him: Glenn Robinson of the Milwaukee Bucks doesn’t fall into the modest-rookie category. A sampling:

“People talk about me being among the top rookies in the league. But I think I’m one of the top players in the league.

“People shouldn’t be comparing me to rookies. I want to be a combination of Magic Johnson, Larry Bird and Michael Jordan.”

Don’t sell yourself so short, Big Dog.

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Please tell us: Jeff Criswell, Kansas City Chief offensive lineman, on the value of his new contract, which he negotiated for himself:

“It’s bigger than a breadbasket, smaller than a refrigerator.”

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Swinging place: Pete Incaviglia, who used to strike out frequently in the big leagues, has a new restaurant in Texas called Inky’s Place, prompting Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer to comment:

“No truth to the rumor the specialty of the house is Special K.”

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Trivia answer: The Bruins lost to Bradley, 73-59, in a first-round West Regional game at Kansas City, Mo., in 1950.

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Quotebook: Gary Shelton of the St. Petersburg Times on the abilities of replacement players: “Is it legal to play center field wearing a ski mask to hide one’s identity?”