Some Words for Harrick if He Cares to Use Them

Here are some announcements that I have personally written for Jim Harrick to make at today’s UCLA pep rally at Pauley Pavilion, home of the national champions:

1. Don’t fire the coach!

2. Dear Mr. and Mrs. O’Bannon: Send us more sons!

3. UCLA can beat Arkansas with one hand tied behind Tyus Edney’s back!

4. Earth to Toby Bailey: You are cleared for landing!

5. Dear Mr. President: Sorry about turning your Razorbacks into ham sandwiches!

6. We need more Czech centers!

7. Some teams play four quarters! UCLA plays one Dollar!

8. Coach Wooden--see you again at next year’s Final Four!

9. Maybe Westwood is big enough for two wizards!

10. UCLA basketball--we’re baccckkkkk!!!

Three cheers for UCLA and hooray for Hollywood. We always did love a happy ending.

I am so relieved that I went on ESPN television Sunday morning and told America how UCLA was going to win. Maybe ESPN should hire a bald guy who knows a championship team when he sees one.

Thousands of Bruin fans concluded the evening by chanting: “Dickie V (word used to describe function of a vacuum cleaner)!”

This gentleman and everybody else seemed to favor Arkansas. But to me, the Bruins couldn’t lose even if Razorback Bill Clinton told his Arkansas State Troopers to recruit five new bodies.

Besides, UCLA is too cool a school to lose to any coach in that ugly a suit.

I’m not sure where Nolan Richardson buys his clothes--possibly Frederick’s of Fayetteville.

In fact, the Razorbacks might have lost the game because their coach’s teal suit blinded them. I haven’t seen a wardrobe that gaudy since Jack Nicholson played the Joker.

UCLA won its last 19 games. UCLA won its six tournament games by margins of 36, one, 19, six, 13 and 11 points. The Missouri game was a squeaker, but every good team wins a squeaker. That’s what makes them good teams.

The champs would have beaten Arkansas by 13 points if that last-second dunk hadn’t slipped out of Charles O’Bannon’s fingers. Sorry, Charlie. We’ll let you end next season’s title game with a dunk, OK?

Words fail me. I can’t express how extraordinary it was, what UCLA did here Monday night.

Except to say, ladies and gentlemen, that was one great game of basketball .

For those of you keeping souvenirs and scrapbooks, here are some of the shorthand notes I kept during the 89-78 Hog-butchering:

5:35 p.m.: Ed O’B in hall, tells teammates: “This is just a pickup game!”

5:38: Edney touches everyone bef/tipoff, but only with left wrist.

5:39: Zidek runs straight to O’Bannons, momentarily forgets to go shake Arkansas player Elmer Martin’s hand. (Nervous?)

5:40: Tipoff. E O’B makes shot six seconds into game.

Scoreboard clock at 19:28: Charlie O swats shot by Williamson halfway to Little Rock.

18:06: Ball thru Bailey’s hands? (Nervous?)

17:23: Edney goes out. (Won’t return?) UCLA down, 12-5. In trouble?

17:04: Cameron $ in for Edney, promptly passes to Ed O’B for a dunk.

14:18: C O’B pass zips thru E O’B hands. UCLA down by four.

12:59: E O’B accidentally hit in face, fouled, grabs nose. Last thing UCLA needs.

12:12: E O’B to C O’B to E O’B, fast break. UCLA, 17-16. Able to keep this up w/out Edney?

11:41: Bailey for Zidek. E O’B now alone with 2 sophs, 2 frosh.

10:47: Shot clock expires on Ark. (Are they nervous?)

8:36: Airball on 3-pointer by Ark’s Stewart. Same guy who made 55-footer on Sat.

7:34: Zidek on floor, ref gives ball to Ark. Zidek yells, points, ref changes call.

6:41: Now E O’B hit in eye. UCLA unlucky tonite?

5:06: E O’B airball. Pass by Ark length of court. Ed chases, catches Ark player, knox ball off his leg. (Hustle!)

4:30: Bailey from corner.

4:00: Bailey from lane.

3:53: Timeout. UCLA, 34-26!

1:50: C O’B turnover.

1:31: $ bad pass.

1:07: Bailey loses ball. Ark, 37-36.

Just before half: J.R. driving l-up. UCLA by one.

Halftime: Prez Clinton on TV: “Glad we’re just one point behind.” “UCLA very quick hands.” “We have a cardiologist handy.” “Keep your fingers crossed.”

Just before second half: Dollar in hall: “They can’t beat us!” Kevin Dempsey: “Let’s do it!” omm’A Givens: “Twenty more minutes and we’re the champs!”

Start of 2nd 1/2: Williamson shot in-and-out. Not his night.

Seconds later: Zidek soft layup. (Can’t he dunk?)

17:57: C O’B & $ fast break. Charles scores.

17:30: Bailey taps in on 3rd try. UCLA, 48-42.

17:28: Fans on feet. Edney hand too sore even to clap. Claps knee.

16:40: Ark basket by Thurman. His first. (Hero of ’94 title game.)

16:02: Bailey steal. Great pass by $. C O’B in-and-out. E O’B follows, scores! Foul on Ark. Big hug. Bailey, Zidek and C O’B jump on top $ and E O’B. Crowd wild. FT by E O’B good. UCLA, 53-45!

15:36. E O’B baseball pass length of courty to Bailey. Reverse dunk! 55-45!

14:38: UCLA shot clock viol. (Too excited? Can’t lose focus.)

13:39: Zidek muscles up rebound, fouled. (Refs letting Z play tuff. Break for UCLA.)

12:22: UCLA by 10. J.R. for $. (Harrick, no guards on floor!)

11:21: Bailey follows own miss. UCLA by 12.

9:50: J.R. turnover. Zidek pops up f/bench.

8:17: Bailey keeps ball alive, E O’B from lane. 67-58.

7:08: Ark’s Beck from top of key for 3. Suddenly 67-63!

6:59: Ark forces turnover. Calls time. Ark fans: “Go, Hogs, Go! Go, Hogs, Go!”

6:00: Thurman jumper in-and-out.

5:22: Zidek fouls Williamson. Now 67-64.

5:05: E O’B soft running hook. UCLA 5 mins. from title!

4:30: Bailey left-hand tip. Foot above rim! UCLA by 6.

3:54: Two FTs by E O’B. UCLA by 10. Ark calls time. Harrick on feet, clapping.

2:59: Dollar 4th foul. (Who’d play point in OT?)

2:35: Zidek misses 2 FTs.

1:52. Ark 3-point bank shot. Down by 8. (Last chance.)

1:38. Bailey drives thru traff! UCLA, 81-71.

1:22: C O’B jams. (This game over!)

0:42: Ark sends in subs. (White flag.)

Half-minute to go: Ed O’B dunk from Bailey. 56 pts between them.

0:02: Coaches in group hug.

0:01: Dunk thru C O’B’s fingers. Laughs.

And that was it. After that, Ed O’Bannon knelt and wept, Charles O’Bannon salaam’ed the fans, Zidek picked up Edney, everyone changed into “National Champions” caps and shirts, Jim Harrick hugged Sally Harrick and somewhere in the middle of America, the President of the United States uncrossed his fingers.