And you thought there were no girl-next-door-types...

And you thought there were no girl-next-door-types left in L.A.: This sounds like another urban folk tale, but Michael Simmons of L.A. heard it from bartender Chris Ausbon at Hollywood’s Formosa Cafe. And we confirmed it with Ausbon.

A young lady walked in and asked if she could fill out an application for a waitress job. She looked very young and, Ausbon says, “she had sort of a Russian accent.”

After she had left, Ausbon looked at the application. It seemed un-noteworthy. She had filled in her name, address, phone number, age, Social Security number and so on. But when Ausbon came to the box that asks the sex of the applicant, he noticed that she didn’t give the standard “male” or “female” response.

Instead, she wrote: “Virgin.”

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Postscript: Ausbon adds that since the restaurant didn’t have an opening, the fair young maiden hasn’t been hired. Should the Formosa call her several months from now, we hope that she doesn’t say that her application needs updating. But that’s the romantic in us talking.

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Thirty-two cents can buy a lot of red tape: “I called the clerk of the Small Claims Court in Ventura County and requested two forms,” writes Gary Wartik of Thousand Oaks. “She indicated I had to make my request in writing. OK, so the office cannot handle telephone requests, I thought. What the clerk neglected to tell me was that a self-addressed, stamped envelope was also required.”

Sure enough, the court merely returned Wartik’s letter (with no forms).

“The same county postage which was required to send me the note telling me I needed to provide a return envelope with postage,” he notes, “is the same county postage that could have sent me the requested forms!”

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Only in N.Y.: Spy magazine, which reports that Californians are “fleeing earthquakes, floods and vacuousness for the safety of the Big Apple,” offers a map of several New York spots where the transplants will feel at home, including:

* Beverly Hills Limousine Service (155 E. 26th St.)

* California Gourmet Deli (116 2nd Ave.)

* L.A. Cafe (200 5th Ave.)

* L.A. Girl (131 W. 33rd St.)

* Malibu Fashions (240 W 37th St.)

And, of course:

* Ventura Lingerie (180 Madison Ave.)

Nice to know you can find a decent California deli in Manhattan.

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No relation to Jackson: At a recent Museum of Contemporary Art exhibition, a woman who is apparently a big movie fan looked at one painting and declared: “Oh, look, a Pollock! A Sydney Pollock!”

miscelLAny In “Deities & Deadlines”--a primer for religion writers--The Times’ John Dart discusses the problem of “wacky” characters who show up at newspapers. He recalls how a Times copy messenger disarmed one such visitor. When the religious fanatic said, “You may not believe this, but I am the Messiah,” the messenger replied: “You may not believe this, but you’re the third one today.”