NHL: Western Most in Value, Least-ern Most in Quality

A week in the life of the Kind-Of-In-Contention, On-A-Clear-Night-They-Can-See-Eighth-Place Mighty Ducks, also known as Eggplants On The Edge:

* Sunday, April 9: Ducks beat Kings, 5-1. They’re in the playoff race.

* Tuesday, April 11: Ducks blanked by Vancouver, 5-0. They’re out of it.

* Thursday, April 13: Ducks beat Calgary, 4-2. They’re back in the hunt.

* Saturday, April 15: Ducks thumped by Vancouver again, 3-1. Forget it now, they have no chance.

Unless they beat San Jose on Monday, April 17.

Greetings from the NHL’s Western Conference, post-Bettman/Goodenow War, where the stench of the 103-day lockout still permeates rinks from Edmonton to Anaheim, ruining the upholstery of what, under ordinary circumstances, might have been a perfectly acceptable stretch drive.

Twelve teams play in the Western Conference and, with 2 1/2 weeks left in the regular season, 12 teams have fair-to-reasonable shots at qualifying for postseason work.

This includes the 13-23-3 Edmonton Oilers, and the 13-20-6 Winnipeg Jets, and the 15-21-2 San Jose Sharks, and the now 13-22-4 Ducks. In fact, only five Western teams have winning records--Detroit, St. Louis, Calgary, Chicago and 17-16-7 Toronto. Vancouver pulled to an even .500 with its defeat of the Ducks Saturday, turning the competition for the final three playoff berths into a group pig roll in the mud.

With the exception of Detroit’s three-line net-sniping arsenal and the tougher Keenanized Blues, there is not a thing to bank on in the 1995 Western Conference. It is the conference that stopped making sense, an artificial parallel universe where back-to-back victories constitute a dynasty and virtually no player, team or coach can be trusted one day to the next.

Are the Ducks truly a playoff-caliber team?

At this stage in their development, no. They are too young--Simple Green, “The All-Purpose Non-Toxic Cleaner Of The Pond” (as posted on the side of the Ducks’ Zamboni), could be this team’s nickname. They are too thin up front--the Kariya-Sillinger-Krygier line has some flash and flair, Stephan Lebeau seems to be settling in . . . and then what? They are too new--12 current Ducks weren’t on the roster this time last year.

Marty McSorley wasn’t all wrong when he sniffed about the Ducks, “They think they’re in a playoff race.”

But, if the Ducks had won at home Saturday, they would have been within a point of McSorley’s Kings, holders of the eighth and final playoff spot in the West.

In the Pacific Division, where the Ducks and Kings reside, only Calgary has a winning record. “Our side of the conference is really getting knocked,” said an observant Bobby Dollas, Duck defenseman. “(But) a lot of teams have changed themselves quite a bit. You look at all the changes we’ve made, the Kings have made, the Sharks and even Vancouver.

“You’ve got to learn to play together. They say patience is a virtue.”

Except patience became obsolete in the NHL after the lockout wiped 36 games of the regular-season schedule. And the work stoppage was also a workout stoppage. For 3 1/2 months, players sat around, maybe skated around once or twice a week. But legs and skills that were in game shape in October grew rust by late January. Come Easter, many players are still spraying on the Rustoleum.

“We’re trying to establish out own identity,” Dollas said, “but we’re a young team and we’re going to make mistakes.”

Duck Coach Ron Wilson, alluding to the “crazy results” emanating nightly in the Western Conference, offered this theory on the ragged, ragged race:

“You have some young teams; we’re a young team. But then there are old teams like the Kings. They’re feeling a lot of pressure. They have to make the playoffs or else heads will roll. Players and everybody.

“You expect Toronto to beat Winnipeg. You expect St. Louis to beat Winnipeg. It didn’t happen. You’re seeing crazy results. I’m sure everybody expected Calgary to beat us and Vancouver to beat us. We came out of it with a split.”

Even the ice at the Pond is out of shape, drawing complaints from Ducks and Canucks alike Saturday.

“It’s almost like running in sand,” Ducks center Bob Corkum.

It’s also an apt metaphor for the Western Conference ‘95, where too many teams are going nowhere and the season’s end is coming fast.