BODY WATCH : And Then There Was Traffic : To Save Commuters Everywhere From the Hazards and Frustrations of Their Daily Ordeal, the Ten Commandments of Driving

In the beginning, there was the commute. And it was good.

By day, employees traveled to the hell that was work. Every evening, they would motor peacefully back to the heaven that was their suburban home.

However, it came to pass that the commute was so pleasant that many soon came to bask in its beauty. Too many. Soon, the daily drive became an unholy, unhealthy experience. Something was needed to restore the power and the glory of that trek.

That miracle has happened! Though we continue to travel through the valley of the shadow of SigAlerts, there is now a guiding light to deliver us from the evil that is a three-mile backup through the Sepulveda Pass. Rejoice now in the reading of the Commuter Commandments, which may be the saving grace for drivers everywhere:

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1. Thou shalt not stare at others’ misfortunes.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a driver who has been caught speeding, a couple of hotheads fighting over a fender-bender or a passenger van that is now the size of a cat-food tin. Whenever there is something going wrong for somebody else over on the shoulder, certain commuters can’t help but slow down to soak it all up.

“It’s human nature,” sighs Caltrans spokesman Russell Snyder. “Animal nature, actually. I’ve heard that even on rural roads, if there’s an accident, the cows will come over and look.” He estimates that half of all congestion during the commute is caused by people slowing to gawk at accidents.

“What’s even more pathetic is when people slow down to look even if it’s just somebody pulled (over) by the police,” says Diana Hunt, a lawyer who commutes from Pasadena to Downtown every day. “I don’t slow down. I feel like if you brake, you fall into the whole trap of staring at other people’s misfortunes. It’s sort of a moral issue.”

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2. Thou shalt not treat thine automobile as thy home.

According to Capt. Jorge Jarrin, airborne traffic reporter for KABC-AM, the average commute in the Greater Los Angeles area is about 45 minutes. Hence, “people spend so much time in their cars, they have started to incorporate more of their lives into their vehicles,” says Snyder. That causes inattention to the road, which in turn leads to accidents.

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3. Thou shalt not treat thine automobile as thine office.

It isn’t just one’s home life that has been absorbed by the commute. Car phones have created mobile offices, and there’s just something scary about watching the person next to you trying to dial and drive at the same time.

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4. Honor thy traffic lane.

Call it Lane Envy. There’s always that one driver who never seems satisfied with the lane he or she is in and, usually without warning, decides to do something about it.

Hunt thinks this is just drivers’ “competitive behavior” coming out, but Jarrin figures that “people see the lane they’re in is sitting still and the one next to them is moving, so they get over. But then that lane comes to a stop, so they look at the next one over and think, ‘Maybe that is the one to be in.’ ”

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5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s shortcut.

So you think that Heidi Fleiss is protective of the names in her black book? That’s nothing compared to the way some commuters cling to their shortcuts. It’s tough to find any traffic advantage and when you do, it’s even more difficult to share your secret route.

Jarrin has heard the calls. He’ll observe a tie-up on a freeway and suggest a couple of alternates, only to have people ask him “not to tell cars to go into their neighborhoods. Other people think that, ‘Hey, that’s my shortcut! Please don’t send them down my street.’ ”

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6. Thou shalt not forsake the wave.

Not everyone forces their way into your lane. Sometimes, you are nice enough to slow down and let others merge.

All you ask for in return is The Wave--that little homecoming queen twist of the wrist in their rearview mirror. It’s a harmless gesture--unless you don’t get it.

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7. Thou shalt not drive 45 m.p.h. in the fast lane.

A little caution can be a good thing. Some people, however, seem to take it to the extreme and cause as much slowing as pothole repair in the two left lanes.

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8. Silence shall be golden.

The most powerful piece of equipment on a car isn’t a V-8 engine or dual carburetors. It’s the horn.

And giving somebody the horn--for whatever reason--only makes drivers’ attitudes worse.

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9. Thou shalt realize that ‘Lethal Weapon’ was only a movie.

Clark Kent had his phone booth.

Commuters have their cars. Once inside, they turn into Superman.

No drive is complete without sighting at least one daring driver swerving in and out of traffic at ridiculous speeds or turning right from the left-hand lane.

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10. Thou shalt not question why traffic shall ease inexplicably.

The frustration is sort of like waiting in line for hours to get tickets for R.E.M. and then getting to the front only to discover all they have left are seats for Air Supply.

You barely inch forward for what seems like an hour and then for no apparent reason traffic resumes a normal speed. And you never got to see what it was that caused the problem.

“You feel kind of ripped off,” says Hunt. “If you’re going to have to sit there, you want to see what was responsible. You want to have a good story to tell people at the office.”