A Day to Play Fair at Work

It wasn’t that I wanted to avoid “Take Our Daughters to Work Day.” Honest.

It wasn’t by design that I was away last Thursday when my colleagues trooped their girls through the office. It may be true that some non-parents think of this occasion as “Go Ahead, Bring Your Bratty Daughter to Work, Just Keep the Little Monster Away From My Desk Day.” But not me. I like kids.

I hope to be a father someday. If I had a daughter now, I’d be delighted to bring my pride and joy to work. Then again, if I had a son, there would be a problem. I’d have to explain why those bullies from the Ms. Foundation for Women, which conceived the event, don’t want to invite boys.

“It’s so unfair!” little Scotty might say. Not necessarily a bad lesson; life is often unfair. I would explain how these women had been accused of having cooties when they were young, and now it was pay-back time. “Why don’t they pick on somebody their own size?” my boy would ask. Gently I would console him. Perhaps I’d order “Wrestlemania” on pay-per-view and let him have a sip of my beer. I get all misty just thinking about it.

So even though I missed daughters’ day, don’t think I don’t care about America’s youth. That morning I visited Chaminade Middle School in Chatsworth, speaking before 140 eighth-graders for “career week.” The Ms. Foundation should have been there.

*

What with all the hype, it was surprising to see so many girls in the audience, clearly outnumbering boys. Why weren’t they at work with their parents? At a private school, it seemed reasonable to assume that most of their folks had jobs.

My task was to tell them about mine. To give them a better idea, I got out my notebook, stepped away from the podium and sought their views on “Take Our Daughters to Work Day.”

In its literature, the Ms. Foundation states that the event addresses the problem of low self-esteem among girls by introducing them to role models. One reason extra attention is warranted, it is said, is that studies show that teachers show favoritism to boys.

The topic seemed to interest girls more than boys. My notebook now is filled with the names of Alexandra, James, Carri, Janey, Jill, Beverly, another James, Allison, Shannon, Wendy, Lily and Erin. And--no surprise here--most said that it wasn’t right that boys are denied equal treatment. Young people don’t have much trouble grasping the concept of fairness. It’s grown-ups who make it so complex.

There was, however, at least one radical feminist here.

“Women,” Carri declared, “are a superior race.”

Boys groaned, girls laughed and both corrected her. “A superior sex ,” Carri said later, her opinion unbowed. If this is true, I suggested, then perhaps it’s those poor unfortunate lads who need a day of their own. Carri said no. “Special benefits,” she explained, are an entitlement of the superior.

Carri, so charmingly sarcastic, may have been putting me on. Her classmates, however, were earnest in discussing whether teachers give more attention to boys. Some said yes and some said no.

Lily, the Student Council vice president, thought teachers deserved more credit. They give attention, she said, to “whoever needs it.” And it may well be, she suggested, that boys require more.

“It’s a fact. Girls at this level are more mature than boys,” Lily said.

“ Generally, “ a boy interrupted.

“Yes, generally,” Lily continued, as poised as could be. “We are more mature in the classroom, very much more.”

On that, there was wide agreement. The girls could be quietly studying, they agreed, and some of the boys would be goofing off.

*

This being career week at Chaminade, I wondered what these students wanted to be when they grew up. There was an actress, a couple of photographers, a lawyer and three doctors. “I’m going to be like the people on ‘ER,’ ” Carri said.

If there was low self-esteem among these girls, they did a good job of hiding it. Having been an eighth-grader myself, it would surprise me to think boys at this age have more genuine confidence than girls. More bravado, more “attitude,” perhaps. But confidence?

When I returned to the office, I found a little souvenir newspaper published for daughters’ day. On the front page was a list of “Fun Facts,” including this:

“Girls are more likely than boys to believe that adults care about what they think and feel. When given the statement, ‘Adults in this society really don’t care about what I think or feel,’ only 23% of the girls said this was true, but 30% of the boys believed it.”

A “Bring Our Sons to Work Day” may help remedy this. A day for each would be fair to both children and their parents.

That leaves only the question of how to be fair to non-parents.

Simple. We get both days off.