LAUGH LINES : Jokes

In the news: Comedy writer Paul Ryan, on Thursday’s Supreme Court decisions: “The justices ruled for endangered species, then for the Klan and against minority voters. That’s called one step forward and 200 years back.”

* Adds comic Argus Hamilton: “The court ruled that spotted owls may have their own habitat, but not their own congressional district.”

Cutler Daily Scoop, on the Unabomber saying his first threat was just a joke: “A joke that decidedly unfunny can easily make one suspect that the Unabomber is a writer for ‘Saturday Night Live.’ ”

* Adds Jay Leno: “It was so hot today in L.A., they were passing around sketches of the Unabomber with his hood down.”

Comedy writer Bob Mills, on Orange County voters defeating a half-cent sales-tax increase: “Forty-six percent of the voters did say, however, that they would entertain a 3% increase in their monthly yacht-slip rentals.”

Joe Kevany, on the truancy problem at L.A. schools: “Truancy is so bad in the beach cities that lifeguards now take roll.”

Cutler, on Japan agreeing to allow American auto dealerships: “But the U.S. had to promise not to send any American car salesmen.”

Comedy writer Paul Ecker, on comic Judy Tenuta changing her name to Sasse: “She also announced that she will team with Roseanne to form the comedy team of Phat and Sasse.”

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Sunset Strip, the Finale . . . “Hugh Grant can relate to prostitutes. They are controlled by maniacal pimps. And he has an agent.” (Alan Ray)

* “One Hollywood agent put flyers on telephone poles asking Divine Brown to call her for representation. She didn’t respond. Hookers can’t believe what agents will do for money.” (Hamilton)

* “Grant and Dee Dee Myers are both scheduled to appear July 10 on ‘The Tonight Show.’ They will be kept in separate green rooms because if she gets drunk, God only knows what Grant might ask her to do.” (Premiere Morning Sickness)

* “Hugh and Dee Dee will still appear together on ‘The Tonight Show’? Why not? They’ve already been booked.” (Cutler)

* “It was so hot today, I was sweating like Hugh Grant talking to Elizabeth Hurley.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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Cirque du O.J.: “When Judge Ito returned two jurors’ copies of ‘The Rainmaker,’ a book about lawyers, he said he’d ‘hate to have this case have something horrible happen for reasons that have nothing to do with the facts and the evidence.’ Jeez, hasn’t he been paying attention?” (Jerry Perisho)

* “Former D.A. Ira Reiner says prosecutors must feel like they’re snake-bitten. Bitten by a snake? It’s more like Monty Python.” (Jenny Church)

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Glendale reader Rosie Ng Wong Hing knew son Jeremy, 8, had been exposed to too much trial coverage when she told him it was time for his bath:

“I am clean,” he replied, “until proven dirty.”