FAMILIES : Mexico : Parents, Teens Work Together on Values, Morals, Money : Father makes it clear his priority is family despite long work hours.

Eduardo del Valle and his wife, Silvia Marquez, struggle daily to raise three adolescent children in the chaos of the world’s largest city.

Like most middle-class Mexicans, they have been hurt by the country’s economic crisis.

But even more troubling are the revelations of blatant infidelity and corruption among politicians linked to a spate of assassinations and drug-related violence.

In an indication of the depth of the moral crisis, President Ernesto Zedillo recently defended a former top official, who had an affair with a drug lord’s mistress, by saying his behavior was “a moral problem” but not illegal.

Such attitudes are sharply out of sync with the traditional family values still held by many Mexicans, who are generally conservative, even by Latin standards. Moreover, they play out against a backdrop of social change that worries parents here.

“When we were young, the entertainment was sports and Walt Disney movies,” says the bearded, 45-year-old Del Valle. “Now, it is going to a disco and coming home at 3 or 4 in the morning, or watching foreign television series where the hero has three women. This gives children the idea that they can have a lot of luxuries without knowing how they were bought or caring who they stepped over to get them.”

Needless to say, the Del Valle-Marquez children do not stay out until dawn. The most prominent piece of furniture in the family’s modest apartment in a moderate-income housing complex is the dining room table, not the television set.

“We really don’t have much time for television,” says 19-year-old Silvia, a sophomore at the prestigious La Salle University.

She and her brothers, Eduardo, 18, and Juan Pablo, 12, are active in scouting and youth programs at their church. Since all attend Christian Brothers schools, where the discipline is strict, they spend a lot of time studying.

In addition, Silvia recently learned to sew. She grew impatient waiting for her mother to make a skirt from the green plaid wool she had chosen, so she sewed it herself--with a hair ribbon to match.

The mother sews about two hours a week, making pajamas for her sons and dresses for her daughter from patterns that she designs. And she knits. Her current project is a blue scarf for her husband.

Her pragmatic hobbies, which help stretch their $12,000 annual income, illustrate the family knack for integrating its values into the needs of daily life.

Unlike many middle-class families, the Del Valle Marquezes never hired a maid--not even after Silvia went to work five years ago. Instead, they share the household chores, saving money and teaching the children discipline.

“We have always had responsibilities at home,” says daughter Silvia. “We all have to work together for the family.”

The family has done the weekly grocery shopping together throughout Del Valle’s and Marquez’s 20-year marriage. She makes the list on Saturday, and they go to the market on Sunday after Mass.

Nowadays, the children are less likely to have time for such excursions because of their other interests. But everyone is expected home for afternoon dinner--the main meal in Mexico--unless the parents grant permission for them to visit a friend or to attend a school or church event.

Dinner is when family news is shared and ideas discussed. Silvia and her father admit they do most of the talking. “Mom doesn’t say much, but when she makes a point, it’s a good one,” Silvia says.

About twice a month, the family visits the last surviving grandparent, Del Valle’s mother, who lives with her two unmarried daughters. Del Valle phones her daily.

Even when they are not with the rest of the family, the teens are often together. “My brother and I have most of the same friends,” says Silvia.

Permission for camping or parties must be requested two weeks in advance, giving their parents plenty of time to make a joint decision. Like most government employees, Eduardo works long hours, leaving the couple little time alone during the week.

“They know that they have to tell us where they are going and with whom, or they might as well not ask,” he says.

Curfew varies, and the teen-agers are allowed to argue for a later curfew.

“Usually, we come to an agreement,” Del Valle says. “Sometimes, you have to say, ‘Be home by this time or don’t go.’ ”

Such confrontations are rare, however. “Our friends have about the same rules as we do,” says Silvia.

Despite Del Valle’s job demands, the family is his first priority.

“We don’t live to work, we work in order to live,” he says. “I see many of my co-workers and friends who have been unable to control the frenzy of consumption. They must have the latest CD player. They want to have, have, have, so they end up paying, paying, paying.”

He prefers to have less and to use his free time for his wife and children.

“These are not rules,” his wife explains. “They are a style of family life that developed naturally.”

Del Valle says, the values he tries to instill in his children are the same values he was taught. “I was brought up to be part of a close family that respects others and earns money honorably,” he explains.

Profile

* Father: Eduardo del Valle, 45

* Mother: Silvia Marquez, 45

* Father’s occupation: Government employee

* Mother’s occupation: School secretary-cashier

* Home: Concrete-block apartment in Mexico City

* Annual income: $12,000