1995 / 77th PGA RIVIERA : The BACK NINE

A look at golf’s backside, the stories you were never meant to see.

PARKING FROM HELL

So, are you tired from your tram ride from one of three rather distant parking locations? Well, not everyone had to make that ride.

A survey of the closest parking spots found some people right in the front row of a lot designated for “Players Only,” just paces from the front of the clubhouse.

A check of license plates with the California Division of Motor Vehicles showed that only one of the three closest cars belonged to a player, a Jeep utility vehicle registered to Michael and Crystal Springer.

The vehicle was parked next to a shiny Rolls-Royce registered to Marukin Shoji Ltd., the company run by Riviera owner Noboru Watanabe. If you own the place, you should be able to park close.

But the mystery was a Mercedes-Benz 560SL registered to Lorraine Bagdasarian and Jules Kievits, a member at Riviera. By the way, the car was also in a handicapped space, with no handicap sticker.

DID YOU HEAR THE ONE . . .

Mark Churchill’s job is to guard the Capri entrance to Riviera with energy and determination. And to make a value judgment on some of the wildest stories you’d ever hear.

His favorite for Thursday was a guy with a French accent who showed his membership card to the Paris Country Club. The man said that the Paris CC is a sister club to Riviera, and all rights should be extended to him.

“I let him in,” Churchill said. “I let people who do a good job [of telling a story] slide.”

LOOK, IT’S JACK

Clubhouse bartender Richard Peck tells the story of seeing Jack Nicklaus just outside the door and hurriedly telling his not-to-be-named co-worker. “Look, there’s Jack Nicklaus,” Peck said. His co-worker hustled up a piece of paper and rushed outside for the express purpose of getting two autographs.

She came back about 10 minutes later with a disappointed look.

“That’s not Jack Nicholson, that’s a Jack Nicklaus,” she said with no thought of even asking for an autograph.

TOURNAMENT HAS BEGUN

Some thought the tournament began at 6:40 a.m. when the unheralded troika of Mike Burke Jr., Benny Passons and Bob Lendzion teed off. But others recognized the official start at 8:30 a.m. when the first cocktail was served at a bar. Bartender Peck had the honor.

“This woman walked up and wanted two Tanquerays and tonics,” he said. “And before too much longer she wanted two more.”

A survey of other bars shows this to be at least 15 minutes before the next cocktail was served. The PGA said they do not keep official records of this stat.

PRICE GOUGE, PART I

As a courtesy over the next four days, we’ll try to keep you up on the latest price-gouging at Riviera. Today’s lesson deals with T-shirts, the fabric your parents let you get dirty and throw away with no repercussions.

Your official PGA at Riviera T-shirts cost between $22 and $38. Your Ryder Cup T-shirt can be had for $16, leading to the conclusion that the PGA thinks that the Ryder Cup is only half as important as the PGA Championship.

“No, no, it must be a difference in fabric,” said one PGA official, who begged not to be quoted.

CORNER KICKS, RED CARDS

Mike Wynn has sold pretzels and ice cream all over the state. He’s an expert on the people who go to sporting events. The most difficult people to sell to are soccer fans, he says, and the best are at golf tournaments.

“The soccer fans are all irrigated,” he said in a rather telling way before correcting himself. “I mean irritating. They just are frustrated all the time.”

Wynn worked 13 of the 14 World Cup games held in California last year. He said the second-most difficult were Raider fans, followed by hockey fans, basketball followers, baseball people and finally golf.

“People at golf tournaments are more congenial,” he said. “They are not in a rush. I also don’t hear a lot of complaints like, ‘You could buy a box of them for what you’re charging.’ ”

Wynn also reports that pretzels were outselling ice cream. He had no explanation.

REPLACE THE DIVOT, PLEASE

The sand trap in the middle of the sixth green is well known but greatly overrated when it comes to effectiveness. Only two players had to pull out the wedge and hit over the trap when they landed on the other side of it.

John Daly, in fact, muffed his first chip on the green and landed on the collar of the trap on his way to a double bogey. Steve Elkington was the other golfer to use his wedge on the green.

Four players landed in the trap. A marshal who was at the hole said: “But it was nobody of note.”