‘90s FAMILY : Support for Moms at Home or Out
It seems like only yesterday that working mothers were criticized for not being cookie-baking, Norman Rockwell, let’s-all-sit-down-together-for-pot roast type of mothers.
Now, almost everyone expects mothers to be breadwinners as well as caregivers, no matter if they’re receiving federal aid or a sheepskin from an Ivy League school.
According to 1994 figures from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 64% of mothers with children under 18 work, and 71% of those work full time. We’re not talking about pin money. The majority of working women provide half or more of their household’s income, according to a recent report of the New York-based Families and Work Institute.
Indeed, the pendulum has swung so far that some claim the stigma now is not against working mothers, but against the stay-at-homes.
“Society equates your self-worth with earning an income, bringing home a paycheck. If you’re not doing it, you feel less valuable,” said Crista McClure of Vista, a 32-year-old mother and college graduate who decided to stay home because she wanted to be the “main influential person” for her two children, ages 3 and 1.
The reality, she found, was fatiguing, isolating and frustrating.
This year, in an effort to help others who are going through a doubting period, McClure started a nationwide membership organization, American Mothers At Home. She has 100 subscribers to her magazine, “At Home,” which offers advice on time management, budget cutting, and building an identity without a professional career.
Hers is only the newest support group on the block that includes the Vienna, Va.-based Mothers At Home, the Elmhurst, Ill.-based FEMALE (Formerly Employed Mothers at the Leading Edge) and the Simi Valley Mom’s Club.
They cater to working mothers who have been laid off, quit work or are “sequencing,” that is, staying home for now, but planning to return to work later. Some have been unsuccessful at job sharing, or concerned about quality day care.
Members of FEMALE meet once or twice a month to help each other over transitions both to and from the workplace. Members validate one another’s “alternative” choices and remind one another about “the bad days when we were working outside the home,” said San Diego member Joyce Cohen, a former nurse and social worker.
FEMALE also supports recent legislative proposals for tax relief for stay-at-home moms, an idea popular in other countries but iffy in the current fiscal climate in the United States as government cuts its support for the poorest of mothers. The proliferation of groups signifies the lack of other support for mothers no matter which path they choose, said Arlene Johnson, vice president of Families and Work Institute.
Surveys during the past 15 years show that women’s preferences have changed very little, she said. If money were not an issue, most women would choose involvement outside the home, whether volunteer or paid, she said. The institute’s most recent survey showed that a plurality of women prefer part-time work.
The number of women who would choose to work exclusively at home, caring for their families, has dropped to one third. The number of men preferring that option however has risen to 20%, she said. For women of the ‘90s, work/family conflict means not only guilt over who is raising the children, but also guilt over how one uses one’s education and talents, Johnson said.
The freedom to choose does not necessarily bring fulfillment. Says Johnson: “Our concern is that people have the support, whether in the workplace or the community, to follow through on their individual choices.”
