He’s guilty:We’re referring, of course, to a...

He’s guilty:

We’re referring, of course, to a mischievous Angeleno who confessed to using a provocative pseudonym when he filled out an application he received in the mail from the Auto Club. Not only did the organization’s easy-going computer accept “Axe Murderer” as a member, it tendered him a “special offer.”

The Auto Club’s letter, by the way, goes on to remind Axe that the Auto Club is available for assistance whether he’s the driver or “just a passenger.” A chilling thought.

MORE FROM AXE: Our correspondent, who wished to remain anonymous, also filled out a junk-mail application from American Express. However, that company refused to give Axe Murderer a card. The reason given by more careful American Express should be obvious. Axe Murderer had no credit history.

SPEAKING OF PUT-ONS: The book, “The O’Dooles of Reseda,” is a collection of oddball requests and observations dispatched by a mythical family to real-life celebrities and officials, who sent back serious responses.

We should add that while the O’Dooles are mythical, Reseda is not. We know that because the Valley community was mentioned in the film classic, “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane,” in which detective Fairlane (Andrew Dice Clay) sizes up a famous heavy metal band this way: “I thought they were just some lucky [censored] from Reseda.”

In those days, you’ll recall, Clay liked to bludgeon his audience with jokes.

OLD MAN CONCRETE: “Mother Ditch,” a multimedia performance, was recently staged in the L.A. River by the Collage Dance Theatre of choreographer Heidi Duckler. Yes, the dancers waded into the muck under the Glendale Boulevard bridge in Atwater.

“Mother Ditch” is just another reminder of the countless uses of the maligned (and concrete-lined) ditch. Who says a river is for swimming and fishing, anyway? Some substitute roles of the L.A. River:

* A training ground for bus drivers (this is not a joke).

* A stage for countless TV shows and movies. (There was a memorable chase scene in “Repo Man.”)

* An art gallery. (In the 1960s, a Burbank housewife painted the faces of several cats on the circular iron floodgates near Griffith Park; the paintings were later spruced up as part of a city mural project.)

* A supply route. (During World War II, long before the Harbor and Long Beach freeways, Army trucks rushed munitions to the sea along the river.)

* An escape route for bad guys. (Two auto theft suspects who tried a getaway a few years ago were captured after they couldn’t find an off-ramp.)

* A home. (One of the sights of the “Real L.A.” tour held for a group of visiting architects last year was the presence of a band of South American transvestites living under one of the river’s bridges.)

miscelLAny Norman Green walked into a kosher bakery in Hollywood and found a copy of a locally published Hungarian newspaper, Amerikai Magyar Express Hirdeto. But this is L.A., remember. So, naturally, the Hungarian newspaper had a Korean business section.