Must have been printed by a UCLA...

Must have been printed by a UCLA grad:

San Francisco Chronicle columnist Herb Caen reports that an invitation to a UC Davis reception for a diplomat mentioned that she received a bachelor’s degree in international relations from USC and then “pursued graduate students” at the London School of Economics.

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THERE’S ALWAYS A LOOPHOLE: You’ll recall the TV commercials of a certain personal injury lawyer whose clients would introduce themselves and say things like, “Larry Parker got me $2.1 million.”

A state law now prohibits attorneys from making such monetary claims. The result? We saw one of Parker’s latest commercials, which stars one of his old clients. The fellow gave his name and then said, “Well, you know the story.”

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PRECIOUS BODIES: A few years ago, there was an outbreak of yellow, diamond-shaped “Baby on Board” placards on the rear windows of cars. But priorities change. A flashy coupe was displaying a similar sign on the San Gabriel River Freeway the other day. Only this one said: “Security System on Board.”

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THEN THERE’S THIS APPROACH: Edwin F. Parsons Jr. of L.A. imagined the driver of the car he photographed saying, “The Club, hell! I want security!”

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THE BILLBOARD THEY’LL NEVER SEE IN DUBUQUE: A hip message from Ford, which can be seen alongside virtually every freeway, says: “New Shape. No Personal Trainer.” Yes, but about that carbon monoxide breath.

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TRAPPED IN A PHONE WARP: When the new television network UPN moved to Brentwood a few months ago, it was given phone numbers that previously belonged to some nearby federal offices. “Since then,” says a UPN spokeswoman, “we’ve been flooded by phone calls for the passport office, the INS, the Peace Corps and the FBI.”

During the recent government shutdown, the misdirected calls increased to such an extent, the spokeswoman swears, that one frustrated assistant finally responded to a query this way:

“The only passport we provide is one to the Delta Quadrant, Mondays at 8 p.m., Channel 13.”

Cute--but sounds suspiciously like a program plug to us. On the other hand, there’s apparently no use trying to phone the FBI to investigate.

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THANKS FOR LETTING THE REST OF THE COUNTRY KNOW: On its Perspectives page of offbeat items, Newsweek quoted that sign that was posted in a Van Nuys bar after the arrest of a patron who is a suspected serial murderer.

It said: “Glen Rogers caught. Ladies 1/2 price on all drinks.”

miscelLAny:

Cyber Claus is coming to town. On Tuesday, at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, Santa will show children how they can send e-mail to the North Pole and receive a reply. The computer demonstration, 1-1:30 p.m., is courtesy of Santa’s Village of Sky Forest, Calif. A press release adds that “Mrs. Claus has prepared cookies for good girls and boys.” That’s fine, though Mrs. Claus doesn’t sound like a woman of the ‘90s to us.