A Political Foray Well Worth Its Notice in Hollywood

In the movie “Bulletproof Heart,” a wanna-be hit man is intent on proving to a cold-hearted veteran that he’s got what it takes. But does he? Does he really have the belly to put a slug in somebody? Is he a guy who can be counted on, or is he a sissy who’ll get wobbly knees when the going gets tough?

A solid story, and the movie was suspenseful as well as providing an interesting character study.

Not surprisingly in the copycat world of Hollywood, “Bulletproof Heart” is spawning knock-offs. The latest making the rounds is “Elect Me or Else,” a fictitious story set in Orange County and telling the story of a young lawyer who wants to go into politics.

There’s no real buzz on the project yet, but one rumor has it sitting in Tom Hanks’ office, awaiting his reading. Here’s part of the treatment for “Elect Me . . . ,” no doubt leaked by its agent:

“Elect Me or Else” is a modern morality play involving ambition and power, set in an otherwise pristine suburban locale. It entails some of the more vexing moral dilemmas of the day, such as what it takes to attain success and, indeed, how we define success. The protagonist is a young attorney named Bob Scott, and he wants to run for the state Legislature. The only problem is, Bob has never run for anything before and has no name recognition in his district. He’s what party bosses fear the most: an unknown commodity. He knows that if he’s going to get anywhere, he must prove his mettle to his peers, all veterans of nasty campaigns. That is the essential conflict or, if you will, the guts of the film: How does Bob Scott convince the big boys he’s one of them?

When we first see Scott, he’s arriving at local party headquarters (we don’t specify which party; that keeps it generic), where he is met by three honchos, who introduce themselves as Winken, Blinken and Nod. Scott is sure these are code names, but he doesn’t ask any questions.

Winken asks Scott what he does for a living. “I’m a lawyer,” he says. “How would you feel about changing that to businessman?” Winken says. “Voters aren’t too keen on lawyers these days.” Sure, no problem, Scott says. Blinken and Nod exchange looks of approval, something not lost on Scott.

Blinken asks Scott why he wants to run for office, and Scott grows animated. “I’ve always wanted to be on a winning TEAM,” he says. “I’ve always enjoyed TEAM sports and consider myself a TEAM player, because being on a TEAM is fun.”

Do you need to be the captain of the team? Nod asks, brusquely. “No, sir,” Scott says. “I know my place. I do what the coach says.”

The three honchos are liking what they’re hearing. It’s a mutual admiration society. Scott marvels at their clear-eyed stares, their coolness, their attention to detail. He wonders if he could be that cool, that controlled. He’s hoping they sense his eagerness to please. They do, of course, because that’s their job. Otherwise, Bob Scott is just another raffle ticket to them.

“Politics can be a pretty rough game,” Winken says. “You have no idea how cutthroat the other side is. They’ll do anything to win--even cheat--and sometimes we have to protect ourselves. It’s kind of like war, and we have to be sure we can depend on each other. Do you think we could depend on you?”

It’s the question Scott was hoping for. “Yes!” he says. “Yes, you can depend on me! I know the other side is sleazy. I’m a stand-up guy.”

The honchos huddle among themselves, wondering if this is their man. “Your legislative race poses a potential problem for us, Mr. Scott. The other side has only one candidate, and we slipped up and couldn’t stop three others from running on our side. We’re working on that, but it would really help if someone else was running from the other party to sort of divide up their votes. You see what we mean?”

Scott thinks a moment. “Hmm, I’m stumped,” he says. Blinken then begins thinking out loud, speaking to no one in particular. “What if someone decided to run as a candidate in the other party but wasn’t really interested in running? What if someone just got on the ballot to siphon votes from their serious candidate? Would that work?” Winken and Nod commend Blinken on his idea, but say they don’t know a single person in the other party.

Scott brightens, just like that Christmas morning way back when found a puppy under the tree. “What if I knew someone?” he says. “What if I got someone to do that?”

Smiling as one, Winken, Blinken and Nod pat Scott on the back. “It almost sounds a little sneaky, doesn’t it?” Winken says. Scott smiles sheepishly. “Almost,” he says, and all four break into a hearty laugh.

“Welcome aboard, Mr. Scott,” the honchos say in unison. “You just made the team.” Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at the Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.