Ceballos Poster Child in Battle of Attrition

Question on many L.A. minds today is whether the Lakers shall recover from Cedric Headache No. 23 in time for the NBA playoffs, in order to have a shot at beating the Chicago Bulls for the championship.

Now that they have pounded Orlando, that’s a good question.

But I have an even better question.

My question is, would the Lakers and Bulls have enough players left to finish a seven-game series?

By Game 7, the possibility exists that:

--Magic Johnson will re-retire.

--Michael Jordan will re-retire.

--Cedric Ceballos will bungee off London Bridge.

--Dennis Rodman will be banned, suspended or committed.

--Scottie Pippen will be busted for having a gun in his car.

--Elden Campbell will be busted for wrecking his car.

--Ron Harper will call his situation “like jail” and demand a trade.

--Sedale Threatt will walk out of practice and demand more money.

--Anthony Peeler will be . . . oh, never mind.

Or, any of a dozen other familiar scenarios, short of Vlade Divac and Toni Kukoc being called home after Game 6 to serve in the army.

I can picture the Lakers and Bulls playing short-handed, like two hockey teams with goons in the penalty box.

Oh, and poor NBC.

“Hi, this is Marv Albert. Welcome to today’s Game 7 of the NBA finals, featuring Pig Miller and the Los Angeles Lakers going up against Steve Kerr and the Chicago Bulls!”

I sympathize with Laker and Bull fans, who pay top dollar and have the patience of saints.

That also goes for the Jerries West and Jerries Midwest--Buss, West, Reinsdorf and Krause--who must get pretty fed up with their eccentric employees.

Here’s a sampling of what fans and front-office folks have endured, so far:

Johnson quit.

Health reasons. Then he changed his mind. And changed it. And changed it. Then un-quit. Then announced he will return next season. Then announced, well, maybe he won’t.

I could tell you more, but this is only Wednesday.

Jordan quit.

Mental health reasons. Wanted time with his family. Wanted to mow his lawn. Wanted to get away from it all. All of which he did by . . . playing baseball. Which he quit. Then announced he wanted his basketball job back, in midseason.

I figure he will retire twice more, which should raise the number of books on Jordan’s retirement to an even 100.

Ceballos split.

Personal reasons. Wanted time with his family. Wanted the Lakers to look for him in their locker room, in the whirlpool, in the shower, on the bus, on the bench, on top of the Seattle Space Needle, then say to themselves: “Hmmm, guess Ced wanted time with his family.”

I figure he will go AWOL twice more, once to return to Lake Havasu City to see if London Bridge has fallen down, then again when Big Ben, Stonehenge and Westminster Abbey are all sold to Arizona, as part of Chuck and Di’s divorce settlement.

Rodman threw a snit.

Personality reasons. Not paranoid, but everybody’s out to get him. Attempted to do Vulcan Mind Meld with an NBA referee. Gave him the old coco-butt. Said he was sorry. Said he wasn’t sorry. Said he would like to meet face to face with Commissioner Stern, who said that was OK, as long as it wasn’t head to head.

Every day, another adventure.

If it isn’t Pippen keeping a firearm in his glove compartment and giving new meaning to “outside shot,” it is Campbell crashing his Mercedes-Benz on some Simi Valley highway last July 7, getting arrested for felony DUI and giving new meaning to “driving in the lane.”

If it isn’t Harper calling the Clippers “like jail” while they were paying him $4 million a year, it is Threatt leaving training camp in Honolulu because those cheapskate Lakers were paying a non-starting guard only $2 million a year.

The NBA. I love this game.

Ceballos called the Lakers this week. That was nice of him. Said he’d catch up to them in Charlotte or Orlando or someplace, maybe get together, shoot a few hoops.

To his public, Ced said there were things more important to him than basketball.

Hey, what a coincidence . . . us too!

Ceballos really hoped to get some playing time Tuesday night in the Lakers’ game at Orlando, and he did. That helped the Lakers win, and ran his consecutive-game streak to one.