Help for Highway Hotheads : A psychiatrist explains how aggressive, Type A drivers can learn to go with the flow--or lack of it--on the freeway.

YOU’RE SAILING DOWN THE San Diego Freeway, going about 70 with a clear road ahead and a good 10 minutes to grab a cup of joe before heading to that 10:30 a.m. meeting 24 miles away.

“For once,” you marvel, “I’m gonna be on time.”

Dare you utter those fateful words? For just as that smile is about to cross your face, there, around the Washington Boulevard exit, is a sea of red taillights that brings your commute to a dead halt.

With that big wheel pickup truck with the tinted windows blocking your view, you can’t tell if there’s an accident, construction work or just the rotten airport traffic that’ll surely taper off after La Tijera Boulevard.

You inch forward for the next three miles, your speedometer hovering between 5 and 7 mph and your watch ticking the minutes away.

Of course you allotted just 30 minutes for a drive that takes 30 minutes with no traffic and a good tail wind. Your temples throb, your neck and shoulders tighten up and you pound on the wheel, shouting obscenities to no avail.

But wait. There’s a space in the right lane. If you could just quickly . . . cut in. . . . The guy behind you flips you the bird. You flip him back. Jerk.

After all, this is a war and you’ve become a road warrior--a motorist driven by stress, anxiety and aggression to be the first in that queue of cars in the fast lane, or the one who dodges and weaves to get out of the freeway-choking mass of cars.

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According to Dr. Martin Brenner, you’re also a dangerously stressed-out driver. And if you’ve cut off someone, chances are you just stressed them out as well. Brenner, a psychiatrist who has specialized in the tensions of driving for nearly two decades, says there are ways to alleviate this problem, sort of a stressed drivers 12-step program in which you’ll eventually shed that evil twin and become a pleasant, polite and calm freeway navigator.

Brenner said the typical stressed-out driver is “someone who is impatient and always in a hurry. They’re easily irritated and hostile. They’re tailgating or putting on their blinkers as they’re changing lanes. You can almost feel the energy coming from their cars in their attempts to inch ahead of the next guy.”

It comes as no big news that traffic in L.A. is a hassle and, at one time or another, those SigAlerts and creeping commutes have sent a few of us over the edge.

Let’s face it, with 1,801 miles of freeway and more than 5.5 million drivers (not all of them good) clogging those roads, you’ve got a witch’s brew of chaos, tension and stress. And on the byways of Southern California, conflict is often the rule, while cooperation and mutual respect can be the exceptions.

“Many people have chosen to commute very long distances to work and see driving as a waste of time and see accidents, lights, slower drivers as an infringement to their agenda,” Brenner says.

“People are just whipping in and out of lanes. . . . They’re looking to the right and left,” he says. “At lights, they’re inching forward before it turns green.”

These are the road warriors, Brenner said, a gender-neutral mix of anxiety-ridden Type A men and women who are impatient, easily irritated and hostile. They tailgate. They bounce from lane to lane like rubber balls. They spark that violent streak in many of us motorists. We’ll stare each other down, trade off finger-flippings, yell obscenities or, worse, shoot.

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In the summer of 1987, after a rash of traffic-related shootings on Southern California roadways, L.A. became the butt of stand-up comedy routines and movies, such as Steve Martin’s “L.A. Story,” as the Wild, Wild West.

And recently in Texas, a man was shot and killed when he repeatedly punched another driver in the face for writing down his license plate number over a broken side-view mirror.

“I always say the greatest violence on the freeway is the violence we do to our own health and our family and friends who are driving with us,” said Brenner, a self-described recovering Type A driver.

“In the end, we only end up hurting ourselves, so you have to start attacking the problem now.”

There are solutions, and surprisingly, they’re pretty simple, Brenner says. First, try to adopt the approach of a Type B personality driver.

Try to shrug it off when someone cuts you off. Most important, if you know you’re going to be late, just accept that fact and get there when you get there; getting stressed out over it won’t get you there any faster.

“See your car as a refuge, not as an enemy,” Brenner says. Driving, he adds, “is a chance to get away from the strains of life and to relax. You should have things you look forward to doing in your car.”

Still, the sad reality may be that many of us will still look forward to getting out of our cars.

Until then, just wave and smile at that guy who flipped you off.

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Stress Reducers

Psychiatrist Martin Brenner’s top ways to reduce stress while you drive.

* Allow extra time to get from one place to another.

* Whenever possible, don’t drive; carpool or use public transportation.

* It’s important not to be frenetic in the car; car phones should be saved for emergencies rather than something to do while you’re driving.

* Allow plenty of room between cars.

* Pick one lane and stay there.

* Treat the gas and brake pedals as gently as you would a newborn or piece of fine crystal.

* Smile no matter how rude other drivers may be.