A Close- Up Look At People Who Matter : She Trains Parents for the Toughest Job

A lot of child-saving ideas have been created in Shirley Mangini’s office.

“They come up with a lot of interesting solutions sometimes,” said Mangini, a Canoga Park counselor who volunteers for Parents Anonymous.

For example, there was the frustrated mother of a teenager who was always late for the school bus. So the mother started charging every time she had to drive the girl to school.

“That girl hasn’t missed a school bus for a long time,” Mangini said.

Then there was the mother of a small boy who refused to behave while shopping for shoes. The mother decided to cut the shopping trip short. “Let’s just go,” she said.

It was a workable solution, Mangini said.

For the parents who meet in Mangini’s office every Friday evening, just about any creative alternative to hitting or yelling at a child is a good one.

Most people in the group have done one or the other.

“I still yell and scream,” said Anita N., the mother of a 7-year-old boy and a member of Parents Anonymous, which does not use last names. “I have a problem with my temper. And I have to be patient.”

Parents Anonymous is a national organization created in 1970 by a formerly abusive mother--identified only as Jolly K.--and her social worker as a way for parents to cooperate in finding alternatives to violence. Mangini began volunteering with Parents Anonymous five years ago, when she learned that the clients she referred to the group had no local meeting place.

Some parents are there only to fulfill court-ordered sentences, and they drop out after a few weeks. Others, like Anita N., stay for years and become friends.

Anita and a couple of other parents had been meeting on their own in a Denny’s restaurant in Woodland Hills when Mangini offered her office.

“We’re there to make sure the meeting runs smoothly,” said Wendy Marks, a volunteer counselor who works with Mangini. “It may get out of control with one person dominating. We may step in and help a person who is feeling attacked and emotional and having a hard time.”

But usually, the 90-minute sessions fly by, Mangini said, with parents comparing notes and discussing how they solved similar problems.

Sometimes Marks or Mangini offers advice. Consistency with a child, letting them know what is expected and listening to them are themes that Mangini often stresses.

“Spanking doesn’t help,” said Mangini, a great-grandmother who lives in Canoga Park. “Hitting a child only teaches them to hit.”

Mangini became interested in psychology and returned to school after her own children were grown. She has been involved in parent-training issues for two decades and has been fully certified as a counselor for 10 years. “I wish I had learned some of the things I know now when my children were young,” she said.

“Parenting is stressful for all parents,” Mangini said. “It’s the hardest job a person takes on and the one we’re least trained for.”

Meetings are held at 7:30 p.m. Fridays at A Center for Hope and Health, 7334 Topanga Canyon Blvd., Suite 213, Canoga Park.

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