Don’t have a cow:The Beacon House “has...

Don’t have a cow:

The Beacon House “has received many unusual donations,” says Art Vinsel, a spokesman for the facility for men recovering from alcohol and drug abuse. There were the “airline cocktail bottles containing a jigger each” and a “pile of Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie.”

Weird gifts, but at least they were for humans.

Vinsel isn’t sure what to do with a tin of Bag Balm antiseptic ointment that was dropped off at the San Pedro facility.


The medication is “for chapped teats” and should be applied “after each milking.” It’s for cows.

THOUGHTLESS GIFTS, PART II: Before we move on to Father’s Day, Barbara Wolff of Thousand Oaks had to share the photo of one Mom’s Day special promo she noticed at a jewelry counter at the Edgewater Hotel in Laughlin, Nev. Henry VIII might have been interested.

STAR-SPANGLED BUMMERS: It sounds like an episode of TV’s uptight Dr. Frasier Crane--an opportunity to sing the always-challenging “Star-Spangled Banner” at baseball’s All Star game. But it’s a real-life date this July for “Frasier” star Kelsey Grammer. Let’s hope he fares better than some other stars who attempted the national anthem, including:

* Robert Goulet, singing before a Muhammad Ali-Sonny Liston title fight in 1965, managed, “Oh, say can you see,” went blank and hummed most of the rest of it.


* Frank Sinatra went hoarse at the Dodger opener in 1977, his “o’er the land of the free” sounding like a roar. A tape of his gravelly rendition became a staple of the wacky radio show of sportscaster Jim Healy.

* Willie Nelson, performing at the 1980 Democratic National Convention, forgot “rockets’ red glare” and some other words. (Jimmy Carter probably would have lost the election, anyway.)

* Little Richard prompted titters with such lines as “and the rocket’s red flame” before a Kings game in 1989.

* Roseanne’s screeching, crotch-grabbing version in San Diego drew boos and nationwide protests in 1990. Humorist Erma Bombeck proposed a law requiring singers of the national anthem to keep their hands above the waist.


UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT: L. Paul Cook of West L.A. snapped a shot of a street sign that seems to outlaw the type of skateboard that has handlebars.

SUCH A DEAL: Ralph Meyer of Santa Monica noticed that a $1.99 Farberware bag clip has a warranty saying that any Farberware product “found to be defective under normal use will be repaired or replaced at no charge with the same item.” Yup, just return it to Farberware with a “dated proof of purchase along with $2 per piece . . . to cover shipping and handling.”


If you phone one Westlake Village business, the answering machine says: “Thanks for calling the office of Ken and Barbie. . . .” That’s Ken and Barbie Heller. They’re real estate agents. Sorry, we’re not sure what their outfits look like.