Punch Lines

Going for it: The Olympic Games have been amazing, says Alex Kaseberg. “I haven’t seen this many men running and jumping since Madonna announced she wanted to get pregnant.”

It’s been estimated that nearly 200,000 rolls of film will be developed by news organizations covering the Olympics. Says the Olympia Daily World, “Now that’s what I call a Kodak stockholder’s moment.”

Communications problems continue to haunt the Games. Says Argus Hamilton, “The IBM scoreboard has been so slow delivering results, they’re saying ‘IBM’ now stands for ‘It Beats Mail.’ ”

Says Boris Segal, “On her final vault, Kerri Strug actually did experience, simultaneously, the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.”

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In the news: Dogs are said to be the most effective tool to prevent bombings. Says Brian Matthews, “They work so well, Hollywood studios are thinking of using them to screen movies.”

TV networks agreed to begin offering three hours of educational children’s programming each week. Says Steve Tatham, “Now, if they could just do something for us adults.”

ABC News says Americans spend $330 billion every year on games of chance, says Hamilton, “And that doesn’t include weddings and elections.”

According to a new study, the “terrible twos” may have more to do with parenting than with the age of the child. Says the Cutler Daily Scoop, “The study was conducted by the University of No-We’ve-Never-Had-a-Child-of-Our-Own.”

Procter & Gamble announced that consumer complaints about olestra are relatively low. Adds Gary Easley, “Usually in the area of the intestine.”

In Dublin, Ga., 500 people turned out to watch nine contestants display their puffy hairstyles in the Big Hair Competition. Says Premiere Morning Sickness, “Last year’s winner was a no-show because she’s still recuperating from a tragic ceiling-fan injury.”

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No joy in Mudville: Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda is sending himself to the showers. Says Jenny Church, “Ironically, the winning coach will be remembered for his losing formula: Slim-Fast.”

* “The game has probably passed him by. He kept trying to get his players to ‘Think Blue’ but they couldn’t seem to get past the green.” (Alex Pearlstein)

* “He’s still expected to advise dodgers. Both Bill Clinton and Dan Quayle have been in touch.” (Pearlstein)

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Reader Patricia Sullivan of Vista recently took granddaughter Lisa, 10, to visit a friend who was in the process of redecorating and remodeling her home to highlight her collection of treasured antiques and inherited furniture. When they walked in, Lisa took a look around and proclaimed:

“This is just the house I’d like--but with more Ikea.”