Steve Harvey will be on vacation until...

Steve Harvey will be on vacation until next Tuesday. While he’s gone, this space will be filled with excerpts from the book “The Best of Only in L.A.,” just published by the L.A. Times Syndicate. Here are some items from the chapter “The Law.”

CAUGHT RED-HANDED: When a passing motorist threw a pomegranate that struck tow truck driver Michael Sherterkin on the San Gabriel River Freeway, the burly Sherterkin chased down his assailant’s vehicle, hooked it up to his truck and towed it to a California Highway Patrol office. Officers said the culprit’s hands were still red.

OBVIOUSLY, THEY WERE HALF-WITS: Thieves broke into the car of Santa Monica shoe salesman Steve Katz and stole several bags filled with the latest designer styles from Europe. “They must have thought they were getting something great,” said Katz’s wife, Lauren. Only one problem: the shoes were all for the left foot.

PUBLIC HANGING: Deputies at the Santa Clarita Valley sheriff’s station rushed to a billboard in Saugus after callers reported a body hanging from the structure (see photo). What they found was a mannequin hanging by its fingers--part of an advertisement for chiropractor David Reuben.

THE CLUB COMMERCIAL YOU’LL NEVER HEAR: Less than two days after her family car was stolen, Julia Chang of Monterey Park got a call from police. The car had been recovered--with the anti-theft device the Club still on the steering wheel. Funny thing, though. “We didn’t own a Club,” said Chang. “Apparently, the thieves didn’t want our car stolen from them.”

TERRIFYING FLASHBACKS DEPT.: The Santa Monica judge asked if any of the prospective jurors felt they should be excused. One man raised his hand and told the judge, “Your honor, I cannot be on this panel because the prosecuting attorney looks exactly like my ex-wife.”

Excused.

IT’S TOUGH BEING A CHOCOHOLIC: A downtown jewelry salesman was fined $104 after two undercover sheriff’s officers caught him breaking Metro Rail’s no-eating rule. He was observed popping candy into his mouth while riding the Blue Line.

STUPID CRIMINAL TRICKS: Three men in ski masks robbing a Rolling Hills Estates bank were in need of an empty bag for the money. So one of them emptied his bulging gym bag, and filled it with cash.

Among the gym bag’s contents left behind on the bank floor: two traffic tickets bearing the robber’s name and address.

It only got worse for the bad guys. When the holdup men couldn’t start their getaway car, they jumped into another and sped away. Left behind in the disabled car were wallets with identification for two of them.

Police gathered up the telltale papers and quickly tracked down the trio.

WHITE HOUSE GANGSTAS: When two members of L.A. street gangs were invited to President Clinton’s inauguration, some police were offended. At the LAPD’s Newton station, this fictitious entry was added to a list of gangs in the area: “Clinton Gangster Crips.”

miscelLAny:

If you’re a resident of Paramount, city law permits you to hold just one garage sale per lot per year--unless you die. Then your family is allowed to hold an extra sale to get rid of your things.