Ripping a Few Pages From the GOP Convention’s Script

Post-conventionspeak. . . .

We’ve all seen TV shows, but this was really something.

The Ronald Reagan video and Nancy . . . Colin Powell . . . radiant Elizabeth Dole leaving the podium to become Oprah . . . GOP singers belting out “Elvira” . . . the Bob Dole video and the nominee for president belting out his acceptance speech.

Yes, Democrats meeting in Chicago next week won’t find it easy topping the fabulous, telegenic showmanship displayed by Republicans in last week’s TV infomercial from San Diego advertising unity, inclusion and family.

Fair is fair, however. To assure Democrats and President Clinton an even playing field, here’s how they can juice up their own nominating convention in ways guaranteed to entice a broad array of live TV cameras:

* Open the convention with Clinton playing the sax in shades.

* Fly in Mother Teresa to be Hillary Clinton’s companion.

* Dress Hillary in frilly pinafores and serve delegates her cookies.

* Hire John Tesh to narrate emotional Clinton family home videos.

* Hire Dick Enberg to exclaim, “Oh, my!” after each Democratic speaker.

* To demonstrate that he’s Everyman, have Bill Clinton go shirtless.

* Have the Clintons address delegates from the Goodyear blimp, then parachute down with a team of Elvis skydivers.

* Set up a massive tank of water for Hillary and the U.S. Olympic team of synchronized swimmers.

* Have the Clintons and Gores sing “Elvira.”

* Show a tape of Larry King’s recent interview of the Doles on CNN, with King asking Bob questions that Elizabeth answers.

* Read aloud the GOP platform.

* Plaster the hall with blown-up photos of House Speaker Newt Gingrich.

* Attack the liberal media.

* Attack Mark Fuhrman.

All of the above should work nicely and greatly boost Clinton’s chances. However, there is one more thing that the Democrats can do to absolutely assure them of victory Nov. 5, something sure to drive a lethal stake through the heart of the Republican ticket.

Before his traditional acceptance speech, have Clinton carried to the podium by Bela Karolyi.

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Post-conventionspeak II. . . . In terms of TV coverage, last week’s Republican bash was the Richard Jewell of political conventions, a “giant pep rally . . . to invigorate the party,” as GOP Gov. Christine Todd Whitman of New Jersey herself labeled it, that drew vastly more attention than it deserved.

The manipulation by Republicans was brilliant, the capitulation by much of television stunning. Modern election campaigns are themselves essentially made for the TV camera, but that doesn’t stop TV from covering them with a level of discretion that was too rarely displayed last week.

It’s said often, but bears repeating again, that the media are used constantly as part of a symbiotic process endemic to journalism. This mutual back scratching works in the public’s behalf when, in exchange for being maneuvered in this way, reporters obtain a worthwhile story that could not have been otherwise obtained.

The presidential nominee’s acceptance speech notwithstanding, today’s political conventions no longer offer a potential for equity, the main benefits flowing only to the partisan choreographers.

Meanwhile, although high-exposure convention assignments continue to be plums that indicate the staffers whom TV news divisions hold in highest esteem, a dearth of big stories precludes these events from producing the media stars they once did.

The last time it happened was at the 1980 GOP convention when Chris Wallace, then with NBC News, got instantly famous when capping a frantic evening of erroneous TV guessing and speculation by breaking the news that Ronald Reagan’s choice for vice presidential nominee was George Bush.

In 1996, Dole eliminated such suspense by announcing Jack Kemp as his running mate before the convention. As a result, only one seminal moment remained. It was captured live on a monolith of TV networks Wednesday night when strolling Elizabeth Dole disclosed to America that her husband was a swell guy.

“These proceedings have been scripted down to the last breath,” Tom Brokaw reported during the convention’s Thursday finale on “NBC Nightly News.” The obvious question: If NBC News believed that, then why did it telecast so much of this scripted spectacular live? And just how many future media events will it accord the same privilege?

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Post-conventionspeak III. . . . There was one juicy story related to the convention, and correspondent Brian Ross reported it last week on ABC’s “World News Tonight,” as did Leora Broydo on the MoJo Wire operated by Mother Jones magazine.

The topic was giant new media corporations allegedly using the convention to lobby Republican lawmakers in a position to do them favors, this convergence of news gathering and influence gathering seeming to be inappropriate, if not a flat-out conflict of interest.

Ross cited CBS and also Time Warner Inc., whose merger with Turner Broadcasting System Inc. (parent of CNN) is still pending government approval by the Federal Trade Commission. And most significantly, he fearlessly mentioned the corporate parent of ABC News itself, Capital Cities Inc. / ABC.

Just below the sky box from which ABC News guided its coverage of the floor was an ABC hospitality suite in prime convention space that Ross described as a “lobbyist’s dream.” In that suite, Ross was shown confronting an ABC lobbyist who denied being at the convention to lobby. Ross: “You’re a lobbyist, but you’re not here lobbying?”

The piece ended with footage of a lavish party inside the suite, where guests included House Majority Leader Dick Armey of Texas, shown schmoozing with ABC lobbyists, Ross said, “including the ABC lobbyist who said he wasn’t lobbying.”