Washington, D.C., vs. the real world:When Jack...

Washington, D.C., vs. the real world:

When Jack Kemp stepped into a Ralphs in South-Central L.A. to greet shoppers, two Secret Service agents conducted a search of the market. Then, the agents attempted to exit through a one-way turnstile entrance. It wouldn’t give, naturally. They pushed the turnstile a couple of times, seemingly unable to understand why they were stuck.

Finally, they took another route out.

Of course, Beltway types are sometimes unfamiliar with gadgets that average folks use. Remember how then-President Bush was amazed over the electronic scanner at the supermarket checkout line in 1992?

As a matter of fact, one reporter tried to revive memories of that incident by asking Kemp what he thought of the Ralphs scanner.

“I don’t want to engage in drive-by journalism,” the old footballer growled.

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ONLY ONE LETTER WAS IN ERROR: Charles Greenberg of Torrance found a parking sign that should be a nominee for Snafu of the Year honors (see photo). After he took the shot, he went back a couple of days later “and it was gone--I wonder why?”

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Don Hedrick of Encino, who spotted this ad in a local weekly, commented, “When you sleep on that much meat, you need protection” (see excerpt).

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THESE GUYS COULD ONLY GET ELECTED IN HOLLYWOOD: If neither Bill Clinton nor Bob Dole strikes you as the perfect candidate, you can take solace that they seem preferable to some of the movie presidents.

Some examples gathered with the assistance of film buffs Steve Herbert and Joe Cislowski:

* President Max Frost (Christopher Jones) in “Wild in the Streets,” 1968: A rock star is elected to the office after Congress, affected by some LSD dropped into Washington, D.C.’s water supply, lowers the voting age to 14. All people over 30 are placed in “retirement homes.”

* President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) in “Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb,” 1964: When a scuffle breaks out among the president’s advisors, the befuddled Muffley pleads: “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”

* President Tug Benson (Lloyd Bridges) in “Hot Shots! Part Deux,” 1993: Compared with Tug, Gerald Ford is as graceful as a ballet dancer.

* President Chet Roosevelt (John Ritter) in “Americathon,” 1979: The great-grandson of FDR, Chet has to resort to an international telethon in the year 1998 to raise money for a bankrupt U.S. government.

* President Bill Mitchell (Kevin Kline) in “Dave,” 1993: He dies in office, is replaced by a look-alike and no one notices.

* President Whitmore (Bill Pullman) in “Independence Day,” 1996: For a guy who has seen L.A., New York, Washington, Houston and St. Louis destroyed by space aliens, he seems awfully upbeat at the end.

* The president (Biff McGuire) in “Werewolf of Washington,” 1973: Things take a turn for the worse when he is bitten by an aide (Dean Stockwell) who is a werewolf. As President Clinton can attest, the actions of presidential aides can be a problem.

miscelLAny:

We always thought there was one industry where no one disputed L.A.’s leadership. After all, L.A. accounts for more than half the output of this industry. So we were shocked to find an Inland Empire magazine ad placed by a Riverside doctor, who says: “Why go to a beach city or L.A. to have cosmetic surgery?” What cheek!